Divorce and the church

This is a shout-out for the January 2017 FAIRLADY article titled ‘Should you stay together for the kids?’ I’m a devout Christian who is very open-minded about the realities of this world. Christians aren’t spared the challenges that the rest of society grapples with. Something the writer, Jeanine Beukes, said struck a chord. ‘The parents grieve too… However, because society reserves the grieving for “deserving” widows or widowers, the loss and stress the adults experience is not acknowledged or supported.’ In the Christian community, parishioners rally round a widowed member of the congregation but shun a divorced congregant. I ask, ‘Who is the God of divorcees?’

Generally, churches do not provide counselling services to divorcees. Also, because of the patriarchal nature of the church, most leadership positions are held by men – the moment the church learns of a pending divorce, it strips the man of that position. This adds feelings of guilt and shame, and further ostracises a man who’s already going through hell.

What the church doesn’t realise is that by ostracising these individuals, they’re doing more harm than good. As Jeanine points out, ‘Their grief is expressed through anger, and mostly toward the other spouse.’ This is just one of the many consequences of suppressed grief. You can bet the children become casualties too.

I’d be the first to admit that there are certain things the church needs professional guidance on, and divorce is one of them.

Dr Nonkosi Slatsha

Ed: We agree – divorce is one of those times you really need the support of your community. It seems odd to be punished for something that’s so difficult anyway.