GROWN-UP SEX Want a better sex life? Seven experts offer advice

Want a better sex life? Seven sexperts share their best advice.

It’s okay to have sex even if you don’t feel a physical desire for it

right from the start. It’s completely normal to allow foreplay to cause arousal, which only then triggers desire.

Think of it like chocolate… Some women crave chocolate spontaneously and would drive to the shops late at night to buy it. It’s the same with sex: Some crave it spontaneously and access it assertively. Then there are women who never have chocolate, mostly because they have had a bad experience with it or have a medical condition. Likewise, some women never want to have sex. It’s not only that they never feel like doing it (a normal low libido), it’s that they actively avoid it because it has negative consequences (physically in the form of pain, or emotionally due to previous abuse or traumatic experiences).

Between these opposites there are all those normal women who don’t crave chocolate, but if you were to offer it to them they would happily take a bite. Those are the women who say yes to sex to be sociable, basically. It’s the right (and nice!) thing to do. (Of course, I’m talking about consensual sex in a loving relationship. You should never feel forced into sex.)

But remember, you can also initiate sex because it is the right and nice thing to do in your relationship.

JUST START, EVEN IF YOU’RE FEELING NEUTRAL

Once you get going, you will start to enjoy it and desire will follow. You’d be surprised to hear how many women actually have sex like that. It’s much more empowering than waiting for a spontaneous craving for sex.

If you don’t respond physically to foreplay, there’s probably something hormonally wrong (especially with your testosterone level), and you can have it tested and treated.

DR ELNA RUDOLPH, medical doctor, sexologist and clinical head of My Sexual Health, www.mysexualhealth.co.za