TEACHING TEENS TO BE GOOD MEN

History teacher Andri Barnes made her own history this year by becoming the first woman in South Africa – and one of a handful in the world – to be appointed head of a boys’ high school. And she has compelling ideas on raising good men.

The new sign on the door of the principal’s office says it all: ‘I can. I will. End of story.’ It’s dated 19 July 2018: the day Andri Barnes was appointed head of Glenwood High School in KwaZulu-Natal, one of the country’s oldest schools (108 this year) and renowned for excelling in rugby. Despite having taught at the school for 37 years – during which time she served as head of counselling for 20 years, deputy head for 10 and acting head for three – it was no easy path, as tradition placed a slew of male applicants in her path.

Andri knows full well what it means to take on the establishment – and win. And she’s determined to do the same for boys, having recently completed her PhD thesis, Teenage Boys’ Constructions of Masculinities.

‘Society and the media have been unkind to boys for too long; they’re constantly told they’re behind girls in education and are violent,’ she says. ‘Instead of shaming and angering boys in the backlash to the #MeToo movement and terrible statistics on gender-based violence, we need to celebrate them, allow them to take charge of their masculinity and lose the mould of masculine stereotypes we’ve been trying to put them in. Boys can demonstrate masculinity in so many different, positive ways, being tough in one situation, caring in another.’

One way in which she does this is to encourage teens to volunteer at old-age and children’s homes:

‘It was raining the other day, and I loved seeing our chaps spontaneously scoop up visiting kids and carry them across a sodden field.’ Also, at an annual boot camp, she takes boys through a revealing exercise. She hands each one a brown paper bag, a magazine, a pair of scissors and a glue stick. They then have to find pictures that explain who they are and stick them on the outside of the paper bag. Then she asks them to find pictures that express a secret about themselves, and put those inside the bag. Later they’re invited to share their secret stories in a group.

‘The accounts of domestic abuse, unemployment fears and sexual insecurities that emerge are deeply moving, and we invariably shed tears. The sense of unburdening, and the trust and empathy and friendships born of this are remarkable.’

The mother of a son herself, Andri urges parents to create similar openness at home by listening to and acknowledging their boys.

‘Everyone has a voice – they need to have confidence to use it and to respect the voices of others.’

Boys are also vulnerable to predatory behaviour, she says, from other boys but also from some young women who are happy to ‘make the first move’.

‘Boys need to not only listen for girls to give consent, but to also give their own, and not be afraid to say: “I’m not comfortable with this,” “let’s not go there” or “that’s wrong and I don’t respect it.”’

Questions around a woman’s ability to control boys were one of the biggest hurdles that Andri had to overcome.

‘But discipline is simple: set clear boundaries, have logical consequences and stick to them. After parental warnings and counselling interventions, I recently asked several boys to leave for violent behaviour. When they’ve absorbed this reality and made a change, I will point them elsewhere. One day they’ll thank me for putting them on a fresh path.’

Her approach is even having an impact on the school’s rugby team.

‘It’s now based on five values: honesty, integrity, respect, teamwork and resilience. If the boys can’t show those, however well they play, they’re out – character and self-discipline are more important than winning.’ Glenwood recently played its most formidable foe, Grey College, and drew – its best result in 12 years.

‘Afterwards I went into the change rooms.

There was the smell of armpits when they welcomed me into the group huddle, but it was fine,’ she says with a laugh. ‘One of the boys said they’d never felt this good about themselves.

It was one of my proudest moments.’