Plan of action

Do you struggle to talk to your partner about money? A good way to begin this dialogue, especially after past dishonesty, is to build a financial plan together. The plan itself isn’t as important as the process of planning; sitting down with your partner and discussing your hopes and dreams, your goals and your financial fears. Consider involving a professional financial planner to guide this process, ideally one who charges explicit fees. I wrote a blog post about it, if you want some guidance: sambeckbessinger.com/how-to-find-afinancial-adviser-who-doesnt-suck

Also keep in mind that this conversation needs regular revisiting. Although it’s dorky, I highly recommend scheduling a monthly or quarterly ‘money check-in’ with your partner where you reassess goals and spending.

There’s no one best way to share financial information in a relationship, because every couple is different. For couples who regard money as a shared asset, it’s usually a good idea to ensure that information parity reflects that, and both of you have log-in information to all the accounts. Apps such as 22seven, You Need a Budget and Kubera provide a simple shared view of accounts.

Don’t ever let money be just one person’s domain in a relationship; both partners should understand enough to spot issues. If money’s a scary topic for you (it is for many of us!), buy a good beginner’s book or take an online course about personal finance and learn the basics.

Money is a deeply emotional topic, so finding the root cause of the problem might require seeing a couples counsellor. Therapy can be expensive, but as Graham will tell you, it’s cheaper than divorce.