Some bloke marrying a lady at some castle

The vigilant tabloids have made certain we are familiar with all the details of the royal wedding

Some bloke called Harry is marrying some girl called Meghan at a castle this weekend and this seems to have piqued the interest of the tabloid press.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, star of TV drama Suits, will marry at Windsor Castle with approximately 5,000 media and support staff registered.

To make sure the ceremony is recorded for posterity, about 160 photographers and 79 international TV networks will be present.

According to news agency Reuters, the public is not quite as interested as the media, with only 38% of Britons saying they will tune in to watch the event.

The agency quoted truck driver Ben Tindle as saying: “Royal family, people born into richness, it’s not really necessary in this day and age. I don’t even know when [the wedding] is.”

British prime minister Theresa May and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn were not invited, reflecting the fact that Harry is only sixth in line to the throne. US president Donald Trump (Markle is an American) will also not attend as there is no “political list”, the BBC reports.

Still, 38% is not a bad number, considering that Harry is not the heir to the throne.

Thanks to the vigilant tabloids we know that asparagus, “a polarising vegetable” that might cause “gas and a noticeable smell to the urine”, will be on the menu.

We also know that Harry and Markle have asked for donations to charity in lieu of wedding gifts. But just in case you insist on giving a gift, Hello! has revealed that a list has been discreetly left at the exclusive Soho House members’ club. After all, they will have 21 rooms to furnish in Kensington Palace.

“Judging by the couple’s wedding list, they have very good taste!” says Hello!

Cinema-style chairs, cutcrystal champagne glasses, chandeliers and cashmere throws are favoured.

This being the age of Twitter, followers of something called Mirror Weird News will know that a woman has made lifesize cakes of the couple “and they’re extremely realistic”.

Also revealed: “Fish reeled in with human TEETH so powerful they can crush crabs and oysters”.