My Orange River misadventure

‘Come paddle the Orange River,’ they said. ‘It’s easy,’ they said. ‘A great family holiday and anyone can do it.’ I was seduced by the mental image of wonderful family time, gentle river paddling and campfires. I sold this idea to the family and we signed up, paid up and drove to Namibia. This was also on my bucket list, so I felt very chuffed. The first reality check was at Noordoewer border post; it was 45 degrees Celsius and so hot my eyeballs started to dry out; I was slowly becoming like a prune. I am not a camper, but we had a lovely evening at the stunning river base camp – great food and company. The next day, I chose a fibreglass canoe for a brief lesson and off we went. I suspect that I chose a canoe that was possessed as it did everything in its power to tip us out. It was me and my 16-year-old son in one canoe and my husband and nine-year-old daughter in another one. My poor hubby – my daughter probably only paddled about 10 minutes out of the four-day 90-kilometre paddle. I did manage the four days of paddling, but on day one, when I realised that I was locked in with no escape, the oh-no moment was huge and horrifying. Extreme heat, hectic headwinds and water – for me it was like being in Satan’s wash and spin cycle. The guides were well-trained, great guys and a few times had to jump into the water to bail me out. One time I was floundering around so badly a guide swam me to shore. I was almost hysterical, sobbing and hyperventilating, and hubby said to me, ‘Pull yourself together, you are scaring the children.’ My sobbing then dialled down to whimpering. He was amazing, always paddling back upstream (probably rolling his eyes) to see what I was managing to do this time! I do have a great new skill – I can put on a life jacket, including buckles done up, in under 10 seconds. Would I do this again? Not if you paid me. But there were amazing highlights – sunrise and sunset on the river, the cry and sight of fish eagles, exceptionally beautiful scenery. But all in all it was just too much for me. Be careful what you put on your bucket list – it might not be quite what you think it will be. – Brigitte Long, Cape Town