Dur­ing sex

You cried

Glamour (South Africa) - - Glamour Self -

It hap­pens – more of­ten than you may think. Maybe openly, maybe se­cretly, you find your­self chok­ing up while hav­ing sex. Your most likely re­ac­tion: “Why am I cry­ing?” So, why are you cry­ing? Sex cry­ing, ex­perts say, can oc­cur with or without an or­gasm (when there can be a rush of emo­tion­re­leas­ing hor­mones), but ei­ther way, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about what the tears mean.

“We have a ten­dency to de­cide that a thing our body is do­ing must mean some­thing im­por­tant,” ex­plains Dr Nagoski. “As in, ‘This per­son I’m with must be im­por­tant to me.’”

That may be true, as Tif­fany Fox, 39, found when she an­a­lysed the times when she burst into tears af­ter sex. “I have to feel a spe­cial bond – the tears are of­ten a re­ac­tion to feel­ing deeply loved,” she says. “It hap­pens without warn­ing. Just: oh, oh… bam! I’m blub­ber­ing all over my naked self.”

But sex cry­ing is likely sparked by a jum­ble of emo­tions, not just how you feel about the per­son that you’re with. Plea­sure re­laxes us; our de­fences fall away and feel­ings bub­ble up, in­clud­ing ones we’re not con­sciously tuned in to, from anx­i­ety over work to re­lief at your mom’s neg­a­tive mam­mo­gram re­sults.

What­ever the mix, tears are the over­flow. What to do? Dr Nagoski ad­vises a no-panic, non­judge­men­tal ap­proach: say to your­self, “OK, this is what’s hap­pen­ing right now.” Don’t try to stop the tears or in­ter­pret them; so no con­clud­ing, “OMG, they must be The One.”

Your own calm, ra­tio­nal ac­cep­tance of your tears can also re­as­sure your part­ner. “I’ve been re­ally lucky that my part­ners have al­ways re­acted with ten­der­ness and hu­mour,” says Tif­fany. “I’m sure it’s an ego boost, too: ‘Dude, I made her cry it was so good.’ And some­times, it re­ally was that good!”

Tay­lor Swift at last year’s iheartra­dio Mu­sic Awards. Kim Kar­dashian West is known for her ‘ugly cry face’.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.