What re­ally hap­pens in a three­some?

Three in a bed may seem like the ul­ti­mate fan­tasy, but does the re­al­ity match up? As three­somes fea­ture more on our dat­ing menus, one cou­ple – and their third – kiss and tell (ev­ery­thing).

Glamour (South Africa) - - Front Page -

Adding a third to your bed has now gone from be­ing a barely whis­pered fan­tasy to a re­al­ity. But make no mis­take: three­somes come with far more in­tense com­pli­ca­tions than you may think. Here, a cou­ple ex­plain what hap­pened when they added a third per­son to the mix. There was laugh­ter and or­gasms, of course, but how they felt af­ter­wards was a sur­prise to them all.

The plan­ning

Kelly An­drew and I were talk­ing about sex­ual fan­tasies when the idea came up: a three­some is

some­thing I’ve been cu­ri­ous about for ages. I knew that An­drew would be game, so this felt like the ideal time to tick it off my bucket list.

An­drew My first thought was, ‘This is go­ing to be com­pli­cated.’ Be­ing naughty with your part­ner is one thing, but when it in­volves a third per­son, sud­denly there’s plan­ning. But then I re­mem­bered Michelle. Michelle An­drew and I met at a party years ago. There’s no ro­man­tic spark be­tween us, but we are both ad­ven­tur­ous, open and in­tense – so we al­ways seem to end up to­gether if we’re not see­ing any­one else. An­drew The idea of hav­ing sex with a stranger scared me. Michelle is very open about her sex­u­al­ity; I knew she’d con­sider the of­fer and wouldn’t be in­sulted by it.

Michelle His SMS made me laugh. I love that our friend­ship is so di­rect, and I was di­rect back: I asked for a photo. When I saw Kelly, my first thought was, ‘Well done, An­drew!’ My sec­ond was won­der­ing what her breasts would feel like.

Get­ting ready

Kelly I kept chang­ing my out­fit. My heart was ham­mer­ing so hard in my chest. An­drew was wear­ing the same jeans, T-shirt and shoes he’d had on all day. I’d bought lin­gerie, but I ended up just wear­ing an old black lacy bra and plain knick­ers. I didn’t want to look like I was try­ing too hard.

The cou­ple Kelly, 32, a com­mu­ni­ca­tions di­rec­tor, and An­drew, 27, a bar­ris­ter. They met on Tin­der and have been dat­ing for six months. The third Michelle, 25, a fash­ion as­sis­tant and for­mer friend-with-ben­e­fits of An­drew’s.

An­drew Kelly was so ner­vous. I pulled her in for a hug at one point and told her that we didn’t have to do it. But she wanted to. And she looked amaz­ing. Michelle I had a glass of wine with my flat­mate be­fore I went out. She thought I was just meet­ing up with An­drew. I kept imag­in­ing what she’d think if she re­ally knew. I wore an LBD and no knick­ers. I felt sexy and con­fi­dent, like I was some sort of se­duc­tress.

At the bar

Michelle I was an­noyed to ar­rive first, sit­ting sur­rounded by cou­ples on a ‘nor­mal’ Fri­day night out. I be­gan to sec­ond-guess my­self; here I was, all dressed up, and where were they? I started to worry they’d changed their minds. An­drew I was wor­ried about Kelly as we went to meet Michelle. She was flushed and kept on talk­ing. Kelly I wanted to do it, but I had a lot go­ing through my head. Mainly, I was ner­vous that Michelle wouldn’t be at­tracted to me. Michelle I saw them be­fore they saw me. She seemed much shyer than her pic­tures made her look. An­drew It was tak­ing for­ever to get our drinks. Michelle I made An­drew pay for my wine. That broke the ice a bit; it let us all laugh about who was in charge of what and the strange­ness of the situation. Kel­lymichelle was lovely. She and I traded com­pli­ments, and it turns out we go to the same gym. An­drew It was such a re­lief to come back to our ta­ble and see the girls get­ting on. This was the first time I felt ex­cited, like, “Al­right, we’re go­ing to pull this off.”

At the flat

An­drew I wanted to make sure I wasn’t drunk. Since I was the only one who knew both par­ties well, I felt like it was my job to en­sure that they both had a good time. Kelly Michelle’s thigh was touch­ing mine on the taxi ride home. I could smell her per­fume and kept think­ing about what would hap­pen. I hoped she’d take the lead.

An­drew It was in­ter­est­ing watch­ing how the women in­ter­acted. Kelly is usu­ally force­ful, so it was a change to see her play­ing so coy. Michelle is al­ways sen­sual, and she was fo­cus­ing her en­ergy on Kelly. She kept touch­ing her hair and bare skin, so I was sur­prised when the door closed be­hind us and Michelle turned to me and un­did my trousers. Michelle I felt like some­one had to start. I thought that mak­ing a move on An­drew would pro­pel Kelly to act. And it worked. While I was kiss­ing An­drew, Kelly ran her hands through my hair. Kelly I had no idea what I was do­ing. Michelle pulled me to­wards her, and we kissed. It was so soft, and I couldn’t get enough of the scent of her per­fume. It felt so sur­real. An­drew was watch­ing us both with a big grin on his face, and that re­ally turned me on.

Three in a bed

Michelle Kelly was very into kiss­ing, which I loved. I con­sider my­self bi­sex­ual, but I’ve been with women who are do­ing it more for the ex­pe­ri­ence than any­thing, and it’s a bit off-putting. But I felt like Kelly and I both de­sired each other equally. Kelly Michelle and I quickly moved to the bed to­gether, and then An­drew started to get in­volved. An­drew I didn’t know where to be­gin. Once you have three peo­ple in a bed, there are so many more op­tions; it’s not just tab A into slot B. I wanted to touch them both; I also wanted to watch them both. And at some points, I felt I was just get­ting in the way. Kelly I pushed Michelle off me. I was en­joy­ing it, but I needed some time to catch my breath. That’s when An­drew be­gan hav­ing sex with her. He was on top

“I didn’t know where to be­gin. Once you have three peo­ple in a bed, there are more op­tions.”

of her, and I kissed him and touched Michelle’s breast. That was the ex­act mo­ment when I re­alised that I was hav­ing a three­some. An­drew It was in­cred­i­ble! Ev­ery­one was so into it. Michelle An­drew pulled out of me, and was about to have sex with Kelly when I re­alised he was wear­ing the same con­dom. No way! Kelly The con­dom thing sort of ru­ined the mo­ment. I was so glad Michelle men­tioned it, but it was also like, ugh, that isn’t the way it hap­pens in porn. It was a re­minder that this was a big deal. Michelle I liked match­ing my moans to Kelly’s, but once she and An­drew be­gan hav­ing sex, I felt funny about ev­ery­thing. It was the way they had sex: An­drew looked into Kelly’s eyes and was more gen­tle than he’d been with me. I felt like I was done for the night, so I touched my­self to or­gasm to avoid killing the mood. An­drew I or­gasmed af­ter I heard Michelle or­gasm. I don’t think Kelly did. Kelly I didn’t. My brain was try­ing to record ev­ery­thing, which made it hard to feel. Michelle I thought about go­ing back to Kelly and try­ing to make her or­gasm, but I didn’t. I felt like we’d ticked all the boxes and the three­some was over. I was glad when An­drew rolled out of bed and got us wine.


An­drew It was a bit an­ti­cli­matic. Kelly im­me­di­ately pulled her bra back on, like a sign that she was done for the night. Kelly At one point, the three of us were all in bed, and I won­dered what the eti­quette was: would we all fall asleep to­gether? But then Michelle got up and told us she was leav­ing. An­drew I walked Michelle out­side, and she kept say­ing that this was what the “guest star” was sup­posed to do: leave. It was jokey, but here was where it felt re­ally com­pli­cated. It was ob­vi­ous Michelle felt off. But Kelly seemed relieved when Michelle sug­gested book­ing an Uber. It def­i­nitely felt tense once the sex was over. Michelle I thought Kelly was great, and An­drew did ev­ery­thing right. I guess I just felt a bit lonely. When they started hav­ing sex, I re­alised that this was their fan­tasy, their re­la­tion­ship. And I was like, well, what did I get out of this, re­ally?

A week later

Michelle I don’t re­gret it, but it made me re­alise that even though I act like I’m sex­u­ally ad­ven­tur­ous, I would rather be sex­u­ally ad­ven­tur­ous with a part­ner. It was hard see­ing them cud­dling while I got a taxi. An­drew I thought that I wouldn’t want a three­some with a stranger, but I do won­der if it might have been eas­ier. I felt like Michelle was dis­ap­pointed. I don’t think Kelly and I will plan an­other, but if one comes our way, I wouldn’t say no. Kelly The hottest part wasn’t the ac­tual three­some (too much think­ing; too many bod­ies), but the lead-up. Feel­ing like I had per­mis­sion to fol­low my fan­tasies was amaz­ing. An­drew Weirdly, I think that it deep­ened my and Kelly’s com­mit­ment. We’ve talked about the three­some since, help­ing clar­ify where we stand on monogamy.

“I don’t re­gret it, but it made me re­alise that I’d rather be sex­u­ally ad­ven­tur­ous with a part­ner.”

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