What really happens in a threesome?

Three in a bed may seem like the ultimate fantasy, but does the reality match up? As threesomes feature more on our dating menus, one couple – and their third – kiss and tell (everything).

Adding a third to your bed has now gone from being a barely whispered fantasy to a reality. But make no mistake: threesomes come with far more intense complications than you may think. Here, a couple explain what happened when they added a third person to the mix. There was laughter and orgasms, of course, but how they felt afterwards was a surprise to them all.

The planning

Kelly Andrew and I were talking about sexual fantasies when the idea came up: a threesome is

something I’ve been curious about for ages. I knew that Andrew would be game, so this felt like the ideal time to tick it off my bucket list.

Andrew My first thought was, ‘This is going to be complicated.’ Being naughty with your partner is one thing, but when it involves a third person, suddenly there’s planning. But then I remembered Michelle. Michelle Andrew and I met at a party years ago. There’s no romantic spark between us, but we are both adventurous, open and intense – so we always seem to end up together if we’re not seeing anyone else. Andrew The idea of having sex with a stranger scared me. Michelle is very open about her sexuality; I knew she’d consider the offer and wouldn’t be insulted by it.

Michelle His SMS made me laugh. I love that our friendship is so direct, and I was direct back: I asked for a photo. When I saw Kelly, my first thought was, ‘Well done, Andrew!’ My second was wondering what her breasts would feel like.

Getting ready

Kelly I kept changing my outfit. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest. Andrew was wearing the same jeans, T-shirt and shoes he’d had on all day. I’d bought lingerie, but I ended up just wearing an old black lacy bra and plain knickers. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.

The couple Kelly, 32, a communications director, and Andrew, 27, a barrister. They met on Tinder and have been dating for six months. The third Michelle, 25, a fashion assistant and former friend-with-benefits of Andrew’s.

Andrew Kelly was so nervous. I pulled her in for a hug at one point and told her that we didn’t have to do it. But she wanted to. And she looked amazing. Michelle I had a glass of wine with my flatmate before I went out. She thought I was just meeting up with Andrew. I kept imagining what she’d think if she really knew. I wore an LBD and no knickers. I felt sexy and confident, like I was some sort of seductress.

At the bar

Michelle I was annoyed to arrive first, sitting surrounded by couples on a ‘normal’ Friday night out. I began to second-guess myself; here I was, all dressed up, and where were they? I started to worry they’d changed their minds. Andrew I was worried about Kelly as we went to meet Michelle. She was flushed and kept on talking. Kelly I wanted to do it, but I had a lot going through my head. Mainly, I was nervous that Michelle wouldn’t be attracted to me. Michelle I saw them before they saw me. She seemed much shyer than her pictures made her look. Andrew It was taking forever to get our drinks. Michelle I made Andrew pay for my wine. That broke the ice a bit; it let us all laugh about who was in charge of what and the strangeness of the situation. Kellymichelle was lovely. She and I traded compliments, and it turns out we go to the same gym. Andrew It was such a relief to come back to our table and see the girls getting on. This was the first time I felt excited, like, “Alright, we’re going to pull this off.”

At the flat

Andrew I wanted to make sure I wasn’t drunk. Since I was the only one who knew both parties well, I felt like it was my job to ensure that they both had a good time. Kelly Michelle’s thigh was touching mine on the taxi ride home. I could smell her perfume and kept thinking about what would happen. I hoped she’d take the lead.

Andrew It was interesting watching how the women interacted. Kelly is usually forceful, so it was a change to see her playing so coy. Michelle is always sensual, and she was focusing her energy on Kelly. She kept touching her hair and bare skin, so I was surprised when the door closed behind us and Michelle turned to me and undid my trousers. Michelle I felt like someone had to start. I thought that making a move on Andrew would propel Kelly to act. And it worked. While I was kissing Andrew, Kelly ran her hands through my hair. Kelly I had no idea what I was doing. Michelle pulled me towards her, and we kissed. It was so soft, and I couldn’t get enough of the scent of her perfume. It felt so surreal. Andrew was watching us both with a big grin on his face, and that really turned me on.

Three in a bed

Michelle Kelly was very into kissing, which I loved. I consider myself bisexual, but I’ve been with women who are doing it more for the experience than anything, and it’s a bit off-putting. But I felt like Kelly and I both desired each other equally. Kelly Michelle and I quickly moved to the bed together, and then Andrew started to get involved. Andrew I didn’t know where to begin. Once you have three people in a bed, there are so many more options; it’s not just tab A into slot B. I wanted to touch them both; I also wanted to watch them both. And at some points, I felt I was just getting in the way. Kelly I pushed Michelle off me. I was enjoying it, but I needed some time to catch my breath. That’s when Andrew began having sex with her. He was on top

“I didn’t know where to begin. Once you have three people in a bed, there are more options.”

of her, and I kissed him and touched Michelle’s breast. That was the exact moment when I realised that I was having a threesome. Andrew It was incredible! Everyone was so into it. Michelle Andrew pulled out of me, and was about to have sex with Kelly when I realised he was wearing the same condom. No way! Kelly The condom thing sort of ruined the moment. I was so glad Michelle mentioned it, but it was also like, ugh, that isn’t the way it happens in porn. It was a reminder that this was a big deal. Michelle I liked matching my moans to Kelly’s, but once she and Andrew began having sex, I felt funny about everything. It was the way they had sex: Andrew looked into Kelly’s eyes and was more gentle than he’d been with me. I felt like I was done for the night, so I touched myself to orgasm to avoid killing the mood. Andrew I orgasmed after I heard Michelle orgasm. I don’t think Kelly did. Kelly I didn’t. My brain was trying to record everything, which made it hard to feel. Michelle I thought about going back to Kelly and trying to make her orgasm, but I didn’t. I felt like we’d ticked all the boxes and the threesome was over. I was glad when Andrew rolled out of bed and got us wine.

Afterwards

Andrew It was a bit anticlimatic. Kelly immediately pulled her bra back on, like a sign that she was done for the night. Kelly At one point, the three of us were all in bed, and I wondered what the etiquette was: would we all fall asleep together? But then Michelle got up and told us she was leaving. Andrew I walked Michelle outside, and she kept saying that this was what the “guest star” was supposed to do: leave. It was jokey, but here was where it felt really complicated. It was obvious Michelle felt off. But Kelly seemed relieved when Michelle suggested booking an Uber. It definitely felt tense once the sex was over. Michelle I thought Kelly was great, and Andrew did everything right. I guess I just felt a bit lonely. When they started having sex, I realised that this was their fantasy, their relationship. And I was like, well, what did I get out of this, really?

A week later

Michelle I don’t regret it, but it made me realise that even though I act like I’m sexually adventurous, I would rather be sexually adventurous with a partner. It was hard seeing them cuddling while I got a taxi. Andrew I thought that I wouldn’t want a threesome with a stranger, but I do wonder if it might have been easier. I felt like Michelle was disappointed. I don’t think Kelly and I will plan another, but if one comes our way, I wouldn’t say no. Kelly The hottest part wasn’t the actual threesome (too much thinking; too many bodies), but the lead-up. Feeling like I had permission to follow my fantasies was amazing. Andrew Weirdly, I think that it deepened my and Kelly’s commitment. We’ve talked about the threesome since, helping clarify where we stand on monogamy.

“I don’t regret it, but it made me realise that I’d rather be sexually adventurous with a partner.”