How to be your­self in love and sex Take notes from these women

Cou­pling up – and all the com­pro­mis­ing that comes with it – can make it hard to ‘just be you’. So take notes from these women!

Glamour (South Africa) - - News -

“I de­cided I could do it on my own” “I mounted a TV on the wall my­self. I don’t think I will ever need a man ever again!” – Amina, 31 ➻

some­times it’s hard to be your­self, de­spite the in­spi­ra­tional memes out there telling us to try. Even harder? Be­ing au­then­tic when you’re search­ing for sex­ual and ro­man­tic ful­fil­ment. Af­ter all, how to put a hold on the unadul­ter­ated you when you’re putting your best – and, OK, maybe not to­tally hon­est – face for­ward on a date? Or when you’re fo­cused on putting your needs aside for the good of the whole? We asked a range of women to share the ways in which they keep it real in re­la­tion­ships to in­spire you to find your own way.

I de­cided to be the change I wanted in my hus­band”

“I’ve been with my hus­band for eight years. A cou­ple of years ago, I de­cided I wanted a more ful­fill­ing, af­fec­tion­ate and re­ward­ing re­la­tion­ship. But to achieve that, I had to change first. I started pour­ing out love, omit­ting con­de­scend­ing re­marks. I fo­cused on the good he did, not the things he didn’t do. Things didn’t change overnight, but even­tu­ally he be­gan treat­ing me the same way. To­day we have a much more lov­ing, con­nected re­la­tion­ship that we adore.” – Lauren, 28

I quit the dat­ing game”

“I kept find­ing my­self in sit­u­a­tions where dudes played hot-and-cold games with me, so I fi­nally de­cided to quit dat­ing. It was just this sense that this was not what I wanted to par­tic­i­pate in! And why con­tinue to do some­thing that was hurt­ing me? I had spent so much of my life per­form­ing – try­ing to be fun and chill and en­gag­ing – that al­low­ing my­self to stop all of that felt like step­ping out­side and tak­ing a big, deep breath af­ter hav­ing been trapped in a stuffy room for hours. I don’t know how long this will last, but right now I like both my­self and other peo­ple more this way, and I feel more op­ti­mistic about ev­ery­thing.” – Vanessa, 26

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