Self & mind Help needed. And, live in the now

Com­mu­ni­cat­ing what you want isn’t needy; it’s nor­mal. But there’s a way to get your de­sires across.

Glamour (South Africa) - - Contents -

no one wants to be called needy. It’s un­fair and who doesn’t have needs? You can need more at­ten­tion. You can need bet­ter sex. You can need your part­ner’s mother to stop email­ing fam­ily recipes – you can even need her to stop email­ing you al­to­gether! But in any re­la­tion­ship, with friends, lovers, fam­ily or col­leagues, there’s a pleas­ant way to ask for what you want. Make re­quests with tantrums and tears, and you’re hy­per­sen­si­tive. Make them in a calm, cool way and you’re a grown woman. Use this ad­vice to ex­press your de­sires – while also al­low­ing for other peo­ple’s needs.

1 Fig­ure out what you re­ally need

Yes, some of us crave love notes and birth­day ex­trav­a­gan­zas. But, as Mick Jag­ger said, you can’t al­ways get what you want. Still, if you’re feel­ing un­sat­is­fied, con­sider what’s miss­ing. Do you want fancy dates be­cause you need to get into swanky spots or be­cause you need to feel spe­cial?

2 Be hon­est and open

It’s key to com­mu­ni­cate your needs with grace. I once dated a worka­holic who never looked up from a com­puter dur­ing work, which made me feel neglected. Over a lovely din­ner (a week­end, ob­vi­ously), I said, “Lis­ten, I’m to­tally turned on by your work ethic, but I need you to flirt with me at least once a day. Call, SMS, what­ever floats your boat.” He did, with de­light, and we both ben­e­fit­ted. That said, some­times the an­swer will be no, so ask your­self which sac­ri­fices you just can’t make. That may mean re-eval­u­at­ing your needs or maybe find­ing sat­is­fac­tion another way. And on that note…

3 Take care of your­self

Self-reliance, the abil­ity to give your­self plea­sures, an­swers and in­ner bal­ance is a beau­ti­ful thing. Re­la­tion­ships en­rich us in many ways, but don’t un­der­es­ti­mate self-sup­port. To test your self-reliance, sim­ply try it. Work through an is­sue alone. (This is where long walks rule the world.) Be your own movie date. Only another per­son can give you that back rub, but your heart and mind are ca­pa­ble of tak­ing care of so much else.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.