Self

… I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine six months after her birth, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?”

“My husband has been totally focused on our baby. Help!”

This is a super-common issue

“We hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-bystep. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea: it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.” – Lindsay Chrisler, dating and relationship coach

Men are simple

“If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him an SMS that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.” – James Breakwell, comedian and writer

The first step won’t be sex

“It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: what did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen and validate – the physical stuff follows.” – Dr Katharine White, obstetrician-gynaecologist

What a great problem to have!

“It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: so many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience, the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are off – it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!” – Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior (Hodder & Stoughton; R221)