talk like A PORN STAR

You have the right to…

“Sex is insane. You get naked, rub up and down on someone else. There’s sweat and grunts; your skin claps and flaps. Absurd. A few things help get us past how ridiculous all of this is: hormones, lust, alcohol, music and – my favourite – dirty talk.

“I was never good at talking during sex. I’d always wait until I was called on. Partner: ‘Do you like that?’ Me: ‘Mm-hm.’ Partner: ‘Can you roll over?’ Me: ‘Sure.’

“Back then sex was fine, but I knew it could be better. I was scared to talk dirty, though. I worried I couldn’t pull it off, that I wasn’t sexy enough. Once, I worked up the courage to try a dirty line on a guy I really liked. We were making out in a cab, and when it was time for me to debut the big line I’d been preparing all week, I whispered, ‘I want to be in myself so bad.’ He laughed. I tried to correct myself. ‘I mean you! I want you!’ Luckily he found my flub endearing and quickly let me live up to what I had really intended.

“I knew I needed help. So, just as I did in grade nine when I wanted to learn about sex, I turned to porn. I decided to steal a few lines from these poetically filthy gals. I wouldn’t go too crazy, I told myself, just some mild ones to get me started. Soon after that, I dropped a porn line on my current boyfriend. It changed everything. I felt an immediate response. If you’re worried this might change the way your partner sees you, don’t. It should only make them appreciate you more. Even if you fail! You’re trying.

“Straying outside the norm can be scary. You feel like you’re betraying yourself. But you can still be a volunteer or a doting mother and talk dirty. It’s OK. You’re still a good person.

“To be clear, though, not all the sex you have has to be trash-talk sex. I still have get-it-done, gruntand-moan missionary sex more often than not, but having the ability to let out porn-mouth Nikki is a gift.”