Be Vanilla in Bed

You have the right to…

Glamour (South Africa) - - Sex -

“Af­ter ad­dress­ing a con­fer­ence of sex ed­u­ca­tors, I was chat­ting with col­leagues when one of them in­vited me to a ‘play party’ where I could have sex with at­ten­dees (or just watch them sleep with each other). I replied with a po­lite no, but he steam­rolled over my dis­missal, say­ing, ‘Come on, we won’t bite un­less you want us to.’ He as­sumed I was de­clin­ing his in­vite out of fear. It drives me into rage aneurysms when peo­ple as­sume I’m down for any­thing and ev­ery­thing sim­ply be­cause I talk about sex­ual free­dom for a liv­ing.

“It’s not that I’ve never gone there: I tried a four­some once, in uni­ver­sity (turns out I’m not that into group sex). Not that any of this is any­body’s busi­ness but mine, but be­cause of my ca­reer, peo­ple as­sume things about my sex life. That if I pass on a play party, I must be re­pressed or hung up.

“But I’m not re­pressed; I just know what I like, and I know that you can’t one-up your way to lib­er­a­tion or sat­is­fac­tion. As women we should be able to pur­sue and de­fine our sex­ual plea­sure free of shame and fear.

“Let me be even clearer: you have the right to or­der vanilla from the sex menu, to like it slow, steady and sweet. Let your tame flag fly if that’s what makes you happy. Do­ing ev­ery freaky thing as if it’s a com­pe­ti­tion doesn’t get you free. It just gets you tired.” – Ja­clyn Fried­man, writer

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