GLAMOUR list

10 Annoying people we encounter daily

1 The small talker in the work kitchen

Yes, I had a nice weekend. Yes, it’s a bit chilly out. Yes, I wish this kettle would boil faster.

2 The way-too-cool-for-boring-you barista

The tattoos, the piercings, the beard… and the look of utter disdain as you wait and wait. And somehow the ability to guilt you into tipping.

3 The creepy starer

They’re still staring at me, aren’t they? How about now? Knew it. And now? Oh no, it’s still going on! Tell my mom I love her.

4 The lunch-maker with too many questions

Brown. Plain. Not toasted. Yes, butter. No mayo. Yes, salad. To take away. Stop, quizmaster general, you’re stressing me out!

5 The catcaller

As if yelling, “Oi oi, show us your clunge!” would actually inspire us to have rampant sex with you.

6 The mamil (middleaged man in Lycra)

Always lurking in wincingly tight bright shorts.

7 The slow walker

Get a shift on, I’ve seen faster asthmatic snails.

8 The gym nudist

The human body is an amazing thing. But there’s still no need to strut about naked while you moisturise your butt in my eyeline.

9 The keypad tones leaver-onner

Beep, beep… slight pause so you think they’ve stopped… beep, beep, beep. Repeat until you feel insane and murderous.

10 The blanking bartender

Hello. Hello? I need emergency wine. I appear to have become invisible!