Self “My love DOS and DON’TS.” By Chelsea Handler
The producer, writer and queen of comedy lays down the law.
i’ve always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn’t born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that’s how my breakups tend to play out.
So I went to Netflix and told them there were a few topics (some personal and some not so personal) I’d like to examine for my documentary series, Chelsea Does, a kind of bridge to my upcoming talk show, Chelsea.
Marriage would be first and foremost among these topics. I’m single, so my question is: why do people do it? Over the course of three months spent investigating, I’ve learnt a lot. Here are my DOS and DON’TS.
DO enjoy being single It’s an opportunity to figure out your own interests (as opposed to the stuff you do because your partner enjoys it). So find out if you actually like to hike or read books or go to art openings.
For the longest time I thought I hated baths because I had a boyfriend who insisted that we take them together. (He was British.) Turns out I do like baths – just alone and with no accents.
DON’T think something is wrong with you for being single Taking a break between relationships is probably the healthiest thing a person can do, especially if you’ve dated a significant jerk or behaved like one. Think of it as an open stab wound. Let it heal before you run around naked with someone else.
DO make time for your girlfriends The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. If you don’t have any girlfriends, go out and rent one.
DON’T take Valentine’s Day so seriously If you don’t receive that engagement ring or whatever grand gesture you’re hoping for on this commercialised day, be a grown-up and get over it. Our idealism about Valentine’s Day is, at the very least, embarrassing and a general reflection of some bad romantic comedy we saw starring Jennifer Love Hewitt Lopez (I combine the two because, well, frankly, they deserve it).
The most romantic V-day I had was when my boyfriend wrote me a book about every trip we had been on. There were pictures of us, with love poems and prose about how much I’d changed his life. We broke up when I found out I wasn’t the only person he was writing poems to. So, beware of things that rhyme. They usually rhyme with more than one thing.
DO believe in good men Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they’re there. I believe it. You should, too. Because now I’m with someone who makes me grow every day. His name is Netflix.