A Path Appears,

You investigated sex trafficking for the documentary and you work with the Child Rescue Coalition, which tracks and prosecutes child predators. You seem drawn to issues of child exploitation.

I so appreciate the purity of my own childhood, and the idea that a child doesn’t have the chance to be a child is devastating. With Child Rescue Coalition, I asked a law enforcement agent, “How young are kids in child pornography?” He said the youngest he’d seen still had the umbilical cord attached. There’s not a diaper change that goes by that I’m not just like, “My baby.” [Her voice breaks.] The Child Rescue Coalition tracks the trade of 30-50 million files of child pornography every single day.

What can we do about it?

If everybody would write to their Internet service providers and say, “I demand that you start blocking the trade of child pornography images,” they would do something about it. If it was hard to show these files, someone would be less likely to say, “Hey, I’m going to take advantage of this child and film it.” It just takes us making some noise.

What’s the message you want to give your daughters?

Comedienne Sarah Silverman does a great bit that I’m going to butcher: “Stop telling little girls that they can do anything. They already believe they can do anything. It opens the door for questions.” We’re all born feeling perfect until somebody tells us we’re not. So there’s nothing I can teach my daughter. She already has all of it. The only thing I can do is protect what she already feels.

And how do you protect that?

I have no idea! I do know that I have to watch and listen to her and not project my own insecurities or struggles on her. But I’m so much more conscious of language now with everything. I was reading a script, and this woman, who’s very tough, did something where she took control of her life. She’s sitting, gripping the wheel, “a look of empowerment on her face.” And I thought, ‘Hmm, they don’t point that out about men.’ “Look how empowered he is.”

You’d have to point out if he weren’t empowered.

Exactly. But I’m lucky to have someone who is so conscious. My husband was like, “Why do I always say he?” And I said, “That’s what we’re taught.” So he’ll pick up a caterpillar and instead of saying, “What’s his name?” he’ll say, “What’s her name?” Or we’ve joked that my daughter is bossy. But he said, “I don’t want to use that word again. You’ve never heard a man called bossy.” There would never be a negative connotation for a man being the boss, so to add a negative connotation on a woman being bossy? It’s belittling. It doesn’t encourage them to be a boss. Do I know how to be the best parent for

Well, we think this interview is going well. Finally, do you have any words you live by?

a daughter? No, I have no idea. All I can do is share what I’m thinking and learn from others.

Articles talk about your perfect life: body, career, clothes, husband, family. How do you feel when you read that?

It’s nonsense. It simplifies people. Not all men, but a subsection of men, have a desire to control women. To do that, you have to paint them into this thing you can wrap your head around. But women are complex. It’s also a reminder that what you see in the media is not real life. The night before an interview, I have complete anxiety: ‘How will this person spin me?’ So when you read, “Oh, she has a perfect life,” or “Her life is crumbling” – they pick narratives. And the narratives stick.

Oh, thank you! I feel that, too. My husband and I are really shy people who express ourselves best when we’re acting, when we’re hiding as someone else. So the fact that very shy people have to share that shy person with the world – and are sometimes hurt by it – it’s very weird emotionally. Anyway, champagne problems.

Let’s talk about writing your own narratives. Ryan’s tweets about your family are amazing. One example: “My daughter gets so pumped watching Disney films. She loves that they all have singing, dancing and a part when the parents die.”

He may as well work for a tabloid magazine. When he says “my daughter,” he’s never, ever talking about her. Everything is a completely made-up scenario. He sometimes runs them by me just to make me laugh. But oh, I’m so in love with him when he writes that stuff. I mean, I’m in love with him most of the time, but especially with that.

How do you guys deal with conflicts in your marriage?

In other relationships, if something came up, I would call my girlfriends or my sister, and say, “Hey, this is what he did – what should I do?” Where with him, we were friends for two years before we were ever dating. And I treat him like my girlfriend. I’m like, “Hey, this happened. It upset me. This is how I feel. What do I do?” And he does the same for me. He treats me like his best buddy.

Speaking of girlfriends, while filming The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, did you imagine you’d be friends with America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn and Alexis Bledel a decade later?

Yes, and I’m grateful we are still friends. They’re three of my very best friends and role models. They’re so artistic and they’re activists. They’re wives and most of us are mothers. They’re producers, directors and writers. They’re not limited. They’re unlimited.

“This too shall pass.” It’s a reminder – if something is painful, it will pass. But also, if something is beautiful, knowing that this too shall pass makes you hold on to the moment. Savour it.

“We all have lightness, and we all have darkness, and we all have plenty of shades in between.”