Breast Memoirs

The breast memoirs: 12 women from different walks of life get candid about their most discussed, revered and politicised body part.

As a woman, the prominence, shape and structure of my breasts make me feel more feminine. But as a mother, my breasts are to nourish and nurture my children. At the same time, I do feel that my breasts position me as a sexual symbol and a victim. Far too often, women’s breasts are categorised as genitalia. They’re perceived only as arousing objects that stir up sexual desire for men. This stems from a lack of normalisation. Recently, whilst shooting for a show to air later in the year, I had my baby on set with me. He got hungry and needed to be fed, but he didn’t want a bottle. So I had to breast feed on set, in front of the camera. “Continue rolling, try to stay clear of the nipple. No nipple,” said the director. We continued shooting. This left me confused, because society will always say, “Breast is best when it comes to the health of a child,” yet in the same breath follow up with, “No breasts shown please.” So what am I supposed to do? Subject my child to constant toilet cubicle feeding sessions? Yuck! I mean, would you eat in the toilet?” Olwethu leshabane, blogger and motivational speaker “My breasts are absolutely part of my identity! They have character and they’re mine. They’re the companions that I’ve come to appreciate dearly. I used to hate my boobs because the world told me to. As women, we are taught that we aren’t allowed to like our boobs if they don’t adhere to the accepted beauty standards – which is perky. My boobs are saggy, so I felt it was necessary to open a much-needed conversation through the hashtag I created called #Saggyboobsmatter. It’s sad that women with breasts like mine are made to feel embarrassed about them. I remember when I was younger, I would say to my mom that I was going to save money to have my boobs done after my 18th birthday. But I later came to the realisation that I don’t want to look back on my late teens and early 20s wishing I’d loved myself more. Now, I feel like I make the conscious effort to wear outfits that women with smaller breasts get away with. When I put on a deep-plunge or backless dress that can’t be worn with a bra, I feel empowered, gorgeous and comfortable with myself. It’s liberating to know that I don’t exist to please any eyes but mine. That’s the energy I’ll continue to live my life with, because I deserve to feel all the joy when I look at myself.” Chidera eggerue, writer and activist

“I became aware of my breasts once I arrived at boarding school. Because the bathroom was a shared space, we would always undress in front of one another, and it was there that I noticed that the other girls’ breasts were different to mine – both in size and shape. Where theirs were small and perky, the type you can expect to find on a model, mine were the complete opposite. I remember going home to ask my mother if there was something wrong with me, she said that the breasts I had were a family trait that I had inherited. Knowing that this was a characteristic that linked me to my relatives changed how I viewed them. I no longer have any insecurities about my breasts, and as a medical doctor, I have seen the full spectrum of breasts. I do, however, wish that retailers were more inclusive in their bra sizes. There were certain things I was never able to wear because I was unable to find a strapless bra that fit me. It was only once I travelled to New York, US, and discovered a boutique that had an entire section dedicated to curvy, fuller-chested women, that I was able to find one. This has opened me up to so many different clothing designs that I was never able to wear before. SA stores need to get on board, because I know that there are many women who are experiencing similar issues.” dr sindi van zyl, doctor

’m a transgender woman, and I haven’t even had my boobs for a year. When I step out everyday, I’m faced with society’s expectations of how I should look like. My boobs are really small, so if I wear a jersey, you wouldn’t be able to see them. I do feel that if I had bigger boobs then my femininity and womanhood would not be questioned. Misogynistic ideals that discard women who have small breasts shows how patriarchal our society still is. You shouldn’t need to have big boobs to be viewed as more feminine and more desirable. When I walk out the house, the first thing that people do is look at my genitals or just stare at my boobs to verify my gender, when there is so much more to me than the way I look. I’ll admit to having used my chest to seek validation, and perhaps to even attract interest from someone I find attractive, but that’s only because I see how valued breasts are and the reception they always get.” glow Makatsi, model and aspiring actress

“My relationship with my boobs has been quite an interesting one. I was 21 when I had a breast reduction, after giving in to my mother’s previous failed attempts to warn me of the inevitable chronic backaches I would suffer in my later years. Going from an E cup to a small C changed my entire life. My chubby girl days faded away as my body moulded itself to fit my new proportions. I was sexy! My confidence was at an all-time high and I found myself checking out that fine girl who passed by the mirror reflection. I no longer had to plan my outfits in advance, looking for the best style of top to hide my ginormous ‘ladies’, and finally I could now wear strapless everything! I love all clothes, but would always shy away from styles that would focus on my top-heavy silhouette. My breasts had never been a topic of conversation anywhere in my circles, because I quickly became an expert at hiding them in plain sight. Now I feel more me than ever before, and the rest of my body agrees with that.” sitha kentane, designer “I was blessed with big, full breasts and I never thought anything of it because they were always attached to me. Like all parts of my anatomy, I consider them a blessing, so I make do with what I have. Many people over the years have highlighted this feature; how big they are, whether they’re real or not and calling me sexy because of them. But this is my body. I’ve been petite, full-figured, voluptuous, muscular, curvy and pregnant. I’ve never tried to be sexy using my boobs, they’re just there, attached to me. I feel people are easily offended with who you are and how you look. You can be flat-chested and they’ll have something to say, you can have your boobs enhanced and they’ll make comments, you can have saggy momma tits and you’ll still hear it. People are so dissatisfied with their anatomy that when they see someone who’s happy with theirs, it blows their mind. You just have to love it all! That’s when what people’s expectations of you don’t even matter. I think society’s ideals of what fitness women are meant to look like has shifted as well. I’m here to demonstrate that you can be curvy, feminine and strong in your D cup!” rushda Moosajee, gym owner and mother

“The foundation of my relationship with my breasts is deeply rooted in my culture and the women who raised me. These women were so free and happy in their bodies. Growing up in rural kwandebele, Siyabuswa, I fell in love with our beliefs and our practises. My particular obsession was ukuthomba, a rite of passage for women. Apart from the glorious regalia and expansive gifts, I admired the ability to love yourself as you are and the responsibility to pass it on. This connected me to my family and the women around me. But then we moved, puberty hit, boys happened, and I got introduced to a very sexual understanding of my breasts and their function. I gained the nickname ‘Your Hotness’ among the boys because I had a solid BLB ( boobs, lips, booty) ratio, then it became about maintaining that title. I started dressing to enhance my breasts, making them look bigger, more appealing, not knowing that I was moving further and further away from

loving myself. Eventually, I found freedom. I stopped wearing bras, and allowed myself to just be. I found the courage to love myself through the different shapes, phases and sizes because change is inevitable.” tsholofelo Maseko, actress

“As a young girl, I always imagined that my breasts would look exactly like my big sister’s: perfect! Even before I had them, my breasts were a part of who I was. They were a statement of my womanhood – at least that’s what I felt they were back then. One can only imagine my disappointment when I discovered that my ‘girls’ would not grow beyond a small B cup. Everything I had seen in magazines and on TV created the expectation of having ‘perfect proportions’. Immediately, insecurity crept in because, ultimately, I would not have those ‘dreamy’ and ‘perfect’ proportions I had set my heart on as a young girl. As I matured and realised how mounds of fat and tissue on a woman’s chest would affect her interactions with men, I gained a newfound respect and appreciation for them. I could wear virtually any top I wanted with reasonable comfort and ease because of their size. What I’m most happy about today is that bras are optional. Now, my womanhood is based on virtues rather than boobs. A maze of pros and cons have led me to the belief that my 34Bs are great just as they are.” julie Mathys, lawyer

“My breasts are a sign of comfort. I touch them throughout the day as they’ve become my stress-relief toys. But around eight years ago, I found a lump in my right breast and this dramatically changed my relationship with them; my source of comfort was now fighting against me. I remember how relieved I was when the doctor told me that it wasn’t cancer. This was good news, but I still had a painful lump that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out to be fibroadenoma, a condition that creates benign lumps in the breast tissue. Because of this, my breasts tripled in size. When I was younger, I always believed that having large breasts was a total blessing. Now that I have them, they are a complete pain. Doctors suggested surgery, but I chose alternative ways to deal with the pain that the tumours caused. Most days I have to remind myself to be thankful that it didn’t turn out to be cancer, and that it’s a breast condition that I can deal with. This experience has given me many reasons to love them as they are. Particularly on days when I simply can be without a bra, and my boobs are free to do whatever they wish – bounce, swing and, most importantly, breathe.” nolihle Mngeni, client service consultant

“I’ve always been curvy, which I embrace, but there has definitely been a time in my life where I felt my body was unbalanced, so I decided to do something about it. In October of 2012, I had a breast augmentation in order to balance out the size of my hips and thighs, and achieve a more hour glass figure inspired by the likes of Marilyn Monroe and Dita Von Teese. I’m pretty open about the fact that I had my breasts done, I’ve never been ashamed of what I did and I’m happy with the results. It was something I did for myself to feel more comfortable and confident. On the other hand, there are things that I didn’t think about. For instance, I can’t just wear whatever I want anymore, buttons don’t agree with me and I struggle with sizing. I think there is pressure in my industry to look a certain way, and working with models definitely makes me aware of the appeal and saleability of a certain body type. I’m the exact opposite of this, so you can only imagine my surprise when, one day, a model came up to me to say that I have the body of her dreams. I guess it’s the age-old scenario of wanting what you don’t have.” raine tauber, makeup artist

y breasts are a symbol of womanhood and fertility. They’ve also helped me to feed and bond with both my children. But society shapes how we as women see our bodies. For example, our bodies are used to sell every product imaginable, and only certain breasts are perceived as beautiful – perky, young and big. We’re rarely shown images of real breasts, unless they’re being made fun of. This has made me feel very insecure, especially after having kids, as I never felt like my breasts were ‘right’. Now, I’ve learnt how a good bra can completely change your perception about your breasts. The right bras allow you to exercise, wear strapless dresses and enjoy fashion without fear of being restricted. Thankfully, my breasts have never been a factor in my work, but I also realise that this is a privilege, since many women in the arts, media and entertainment industry are routinely sexually exploited and harassed in different ways. Breasts are a beautifully-rich metaphor – one that I’ve used before in my writing. They represent the heart, babies, sexuality, fertility, femininity, giving and receiving. I hope it will continue to stay this way.” lebo Mashile, actress and poet

“The context of fashion and modelling has never made me feel like the visibility of my boobs was gratuitous or inappropriate. There was this one time though, when a local newspaper published an article on the success of a runway show I’d been in abroad, and accompanying it was a full-page, colour photograph of me in a completely sheer jacket with nothing underneath. The image itself was one of my favourites, but there was something about it being in the newspaper that made me question if the nudity was 100% necessary. Imagining some of the people I know seeing it made me more shy than usual, because there are a lot of people in my life that aren’t as familiar with the fashion world and it’s norms. Barring this one instance, I’m not terribly boob-shy, and I’ve never been made to question whether my breasts being exposed was contributing to the success of the overall idea.” nina Milner, model