Drew’s guide to kick-ass confidence Having a self-esteem wobble? Drew Barrymore’s got your back

Having a self-esteem wobble or just need a boost? Drew Barrymore has got your back.

Actress. Director. Author. Drew Barrymore, 43, is a creative multi-hyphenate, but one thing her projects all have in common is that they are on the up and up. In her 2015 memoir, Wildflower (Ebury; R224), she talked about happily growing into who she is; her film directorial debut (the brilliant, if underrated, Whip It) was ostensibly about the thrilling, terrifying world of roller derby, but it was actually about female friendship and being yourself. And her recent Netflix show, Santa Clarita Diet, is the most upbeat portrayal of zombies you’ll ever see. She’s utterly charming as a peppy and happily-married estate agent who snacks on bags of frozen fingers to satisfy her hunger for human flesh.

So what’s with all the optimism? Because good vibes are her jam. “I like fun and empowerment, and things that have some broader message of positivity,” she says. “Not a vacant happiness, but an expression of hard-earned happiness, which is the better kind.” And as someone who says she’s been training herself to live a life where she doesn’t look in the rear-view mirror, she’s also the perfect person to share her confidence-boosting rules. Your one way ticket to kicking butt starts here.

Create your own mantras and signposts

I’m definitely a big proponent of marching in the army of optimism. That’s a thing I’ve come up with that details clearly what my mission is in life. I have little pictures – mini moodboards – of moments and times framed all over my home: a childhood drawing, my kids’ art or pages from 100 Love Notes by Hyong Yi (Lorimer Press; R406). It has great little sayings in it that are poetic and beautiful. You can create signposts of why life can be great and beautiful.

Channel dory

It’s unrealistic to think that everything you do is going to be successful. There’s no life that’s ever been recorded where everything went on an incline, so you need to be OK with the ups and downs of professional life, and believe that everything is either something to learn from or will lead to something that you can’t foresee. Dory (from Finding Nemo) says, “Just keep swimming.” You’ll stumble several times throughout your life and the questions you have to ask are, “Did I take anyone down with me? No? Good. Move forward.” And, “Did I choose the right people to help pick me up? Yes? Good. Keep going.”

Don’t fight who you are

I have two daughters (Olive, six, and Frankie, four) who love to get dressed with me and I’m very conscious of how I react to myself in the mirror. I never scrutinise myself in front of them. I’ve always been on a mission to embrace what I was born with and it’s been a great buffer against certain pitfalls that we can fall into. We can get down when we think we’re not a certain thing, but you need to say, “Screw that!” Do you. Do whatever you need to feel good in your own skin and the way you look, your body, shape and size. Work it. You’re all you have.

Your soulmate might not be who you think it is

Nancy Juvonen (producer of Charlie’s Angels, 50 First Dates and He’s Just Not That Into You) is my best friend, producing partner of 26 years and my true partner in life. She’s always been so wise about relationships, and I’ve learnt so many incredibly powerful lessons from her about self-respect, knowing what’s right and what’s wrong, and what’s good and bad behaviour. Surround yourself with women like Nancy.

Happily ever after isn’t one-size-fits-all

Although my own fairy tales didn’t necessarily work out [Drew split from husband Will Kopelman in 2016], I’m like, “Don’t take my divorce as any measure of how much I’ve learnt about women, men and relationships.” I feel so equipped to help my friends for what they will encounter in the future, as I’ve learnt so many amazing lessons. I feel like I’m a great person to speak to about relationships, because I’ve learnt from really amazing people who tell you the truth, are incredible smart and loving.

Find your happy place

Mine is always comedy. One day, I was having a crap day, and I remembered that comedian Amy Schumer’s Leather Special was on Netflix. I never watch TV during the day, but I said, “Let’s all have lunch in front of the TV and watch Amy Schumer.” Within seconds, I was laughing my butt off. I will always gravitate towards comedians and comedy because they are like medicine to me.

Slow down

I’ve become, ironically, much more conservative as an adult and a mother, but I still celebrate expression and silliness. I like that it takes a long time to become a grownup. Being young is a beautiful thing – full of learning curves, lessons, silliness and stupidity in some ways, but awesome learning journeys. I want my girls to be girls for as long as they can be and not grow up too fast.