Clash of the Cultures
The festive season is here, a time for many of us to unplug from the city life and return to our roots. These SA women share how their families celebrate.
During the holiday season, I always take time to reflect on my umabo (traditional wedding), as it was the day I had to leave my family home. After all these years, I’m still drawn to that moment. In Zulu culture, a woman has to bid a proper farewell to her parents and ancestors before she gets married and becomes part of a new family. I’ll never forget the emotion on my father’s face as he lifted our family totem in the lounge and said goodbye in Zulu praise. The whole family got a little emotional in that moment, but we still managed to keep our makeup-laden faces intact and regained our cool. Sashaying out of our home with our babies in hand, and me in my Monaco dress that I was to wear for the last time, it symbolised a new era and the end of another.
What follows is a series of song and dance that plays out the unspoken language of our ancient traditions, the push and pull of partnership, the ups and downs of life, but most importantly, the amazing opportunity to love and be loved. Plus, we all looked so fabulous in our traditional beaded attires that we got from a local supplier, who also dressed the dapper Mabanga men in their Zulu clothing. I’m sure you’re wondering which one of my many outfits I loved the most. Yes, I changed into another gown for our reception after the lobola gift exchange and, frankly, I felt like a queen in all of them. After the mammoth journey that was our Monaco Christian wedding (vow renewal) and our weekend-long tjivovo (celebration), I was ready to go into hibernation.
Union ceremonies are costly. Families will bicker, someone will come close to losing their possessions. Sometimes the emotions can become so overwhelming that you consider calling it quits, and that’s because people aren’t honest with themselves about how taxing the whole process can be. I won’t lie, it was a lot for me to handle. That said, after all the stress and exerted energy, I love to reflect on what I received: my blessings. I have a wonderful life partner who is also my best friend, and we’re building a sensitive, proud, open and loving Zulu home for our three children, who just raise me up everyday. Would I do it again? Absolutely! In this lifetime and the next.
– Buhle Mabanga, Skates and Candy Founder
My family is originally from Witbank, Mpumalanga, which is an hour away from Joburg. But special events are normally held on the farm in Melmoth, Kwazulu-natal, where my extended family meets up. Melmoth is in the rural area of KZN, very different from the city. Its got open fields, mountains and neighbours just metres away from each other.
People would be so surprised to see how involved I am with the song and dance during the different rituals, but I guess that’s because I’m very musical. I also normally cook and serve the guests, but I don’t particularly enjoy the cleaning up afterwards. In a way, people would think I am different in that setting compared to when I’m in Joburg, because everyone is used to Londie London all dolled up.
I love these experiences though, because I get to spend more time bonding with the family and not worrying about the outside world – it’s the perfect place to just relax. It’s also taught me about respect, and to be proud of who I am and where I come from, no matter the circumstances. Knowing my roots is very important to me, as it keeps me grounded. I do, on the other hand, believe that the ritual of taking young virgin females to emhlangeni should be reviewed. Why are they going there? Is it necessary? Why don’t the males go as well? If the males don’t go through it does it mean no one cares when their virginities are broken or whether or not they date multiple women? We need to ask ourselves these questions, because if the answers are ‘no’ then change is needed. – londie london, Singer
The most important cultural celebrations and rituals in my family involve my religion. We often visit the graves of our ancestors who brought Islam to SA. These sites are scattered across the Cape and it might mean an entire day driving to the different graves.
I’ll always remember the important cultural lessons my grandfather would tell my father, like sending treats to our neighbours during Ramadan. My grandfather once told my father to ask the neighbour for some chairs when they were having a get-together. When my dad responded that he didn’t need more seats, my grandfather said that he should still go and ask, because it “shows your neighbour that you also need him and promotes good neighbourliness.” As a result, I make myself helpful during any festivity, whether it’s helping with the young children, setting a table or organising chairs for elders and serving them. I also help clean up afterwards.
I would say that I’m pretty much the same in this setting as I am when I’m with my friends doing things in the city, but maybe a more reserved version – I obviously I can’t rock up in a tight-fitting pair of jeans with my hair out. We mostly wear modest clothing, such as loose-fitting long dresses, and our hair must be covered with a scarf.
Although I enjoy it at the time, the food isn’t particularly healthy. Some family members do introduce some healthier options, but for the greater part, you can end up overeating and feeling bloated the next day. Still, I’m proud of my heritage and the cultural experience is important to me. – Rushana isaacs, beauty influencer
Travelling to the small town of Jansenville, Eastern Cape, every December is a journey. I stop regularly on the road and in other small towns along the way. It’s a solid full-day drive. Once I cross over to the Eastern Cape border, I have to drive slightly slower, dodging either potholes or free-roaming kudus.
Dressing modestly and not straying too far from mainstream culture helps people to be part of the community and not become an outcast or labelled ‘weird’, whereas I feel like I can truly be myself in the city, and wear what I want to and still feel 100% like a normal member of society. But contrary to city life, there is a huge sense of community in smaller towns. Everyone knows and greets each other, and it’s easier to let your guard down. Standing in a queue is always a place for people to meet you and figure out if they know your aunty or share stories of your granny.
Because I live in Cape Town, I’m very used to the convenience of having access to so many things, but back home, there’s no Engen One-stop with a Woolies, all the food is cooked from scratch and meals are planned according to the availability of ingredients, and you become extremely resourceful. I remember reading recipe books as a kid and not understanding why they kept publishing recipes with these foreign ingredients. When I moved to the city, I suddenly realised that the ingredients weren’t that foreign at all and were actually accessible to so many people. Not having certain foods didn’t stop my mom from baking, she had a long list (passed down from my granny) of substitutions. Finding substitutions for everything is a way of life in Jansenville, as there never was access to everything needed. As well as being self-sufficient. I wasn’t raised as a fragile timid little girl; my dad would always try to include me when he was fixing things or farming, and he would teach me how to be more independent and self-reliant, so that I wouldn’t need someone else to fix or do things if I was capable of doing them myself. – Mandy nash, Stylist
“Back home, there’s no Engen One-stop with a Woolies, all the food is cooked from scratch.”
In my culture, we celebrate through singing, and food shared with family and friends. We slaughter livestock as sacrifice, pray, and burn special leaves and herbs to usher out bad spirits and welcome our ancestors. We dress in traditional Xhosa attire that’s usually monochromatic, accompanied with beads, blankets and head scarves. Chores are delegated by the elders according to the necessary requirements at a particular time, so as a woman, I’m usually required to help with the food and cleaning or taking care of the younger kids.
I was born in Cape Town and raised Xhosa. When I moved to Europe, my friends on that side couldn’t even imagine the practises and traditions I grew up with because it was a completely unfamiliar culture. My family home is in New Brighton, a township in Port Elizabeth, Eastern Cape, so it’s a six to eight hour drive from my father’s home in the suburbs of Cape Town. The two places are completely different, with Cape Town being a lot more cosmopolitan, but it’s important to me to have both of those experiences coexist in my life, because I’m aware that I am who I am because of where I come from. When I do go back home, I become a lot more passive and mildly accept spirituality, hierarchy and gender roles, whereas in the city, I somewhat challenge them.
Furthermore, I would like to see further changes regarding the pressure placed on male masculinity that often endangers Xhosa men, particularly when it comes to our coming-of-age practises, as I find it quite problematic – we need to develop with the times. – naledi Radebe, Content Creator
Even though my parents raised me in Cape Town, they made sure that we would go back to Venda at least twice a year to experience the village life, visit family and learn the language. I’ll always be grateful for this, as this built my character as a young Venda woman. These experiences, both in the village and in the city, have made me who I am today, and I want to do the same for my future children.
I think people who know me would be very surprised to see the person I am when I go to the village. I dress in very simple clothes that can get dirty, because of all the chores we do throughout the day. I wear a doek on my head, zero makeup and speak Tshivenda only. You won’t hear a word of English coming out of my mouth. I immediately fall into the role of a young Venda woman when I’m home and participate in the various rituals and traditions: I serve my elders, take care of the children and become more maternal. When I’m home, I feel the need to fulfil my duties and make sure that I deliver what’s expected of me.
I didn’t do the Domba dance (initiation process) because I grew up in Cape Town, but my mom did it, and made sure I knew its importance and what it was all about. During this ritual, important lessons like respect, responsibility, how to look after yourself and the importance of remaining pure, are passed down. During the Domba, they do virginity checks. There are coded rules/ metaphors to explain what happens to your body in all the phases of your life.
I always look forward to this time of the year, as it’s the time when my family comes together. I love running into cousins I’ve known since birth and forming a connection with new family members. Family is at the core of these experiences. They’re the reason it’s such a celebration filled with love and support.
For me, as long as people know why they are doing what they are doing in terms of customs and practices, then it can never be outdated. Purpose can’t expire. Our traditions can be updated to suit these times, but can never be outdated or we’ll lose the core of our rich heritage. – shonisani Masutha, actress
It takes four hours to get to my homestead of Gamatlala, Limpopo, from where I stay in Gauteng. It’s very different from my home in the city, because the neighbourhood is very village-like. Where I come from, people still greet each other when they meet in the streets and shops, but in Gauteng everyone is a potential thief, people are always suspicious. Any act, even of kindness, sparks fear. So when I’m at home, I always remember to switch from city to village mode.
In Sepedi culture, it’s customary for women to wear a knee-length dress or skirt and cover their hair, as this is seen as a sign of respect. I love makeup and dressing up, but unfortunately during traditional events I can’t do this because it’s usually my job to attend to everyone else. To be honest, I don’t really appreciate all the slaving away. Waking at dawn to make fire, constantly doing chores during the day, then putting out the fire around midnight – it’s exhausting!
However, my favourite part of these cultural experiences is reconnecting with the cousins I haven’t seen in ages. There is always that one cousin that you’ll stay up all night talking and laughing with. I also love when my male cousins bring home their cute friends – just to look at though.
It’s very important to always have balance in life. As much as we want to be modern city slickers, we need to want to learn more about where we come from and still adhere to the rules of the two worlds we belong to. – noko Moswete, Comedian