Escape from abusive relationships

Returning to a normal life means breaking free of the effects the trauma had on your behaviour

One of the aims of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence (GBV) is to highlight the trauma that GBV leaves its victims with.

While each individual's

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experience of trauma and their response to it is unique, we tend to subconsciously recreate the moment of terror over and over, sometimes obviously and other times sub-consciously,” said Akeso Stepping Stones clinical psychologist Joanne Laskey. Particularly in the context of

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an abusive relationship the

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fear that repeated trauma can instil in a person can often make their situation overwhelming that they feel unable to cope and helpless to break free of their situation.”

It can take a lot of work for an abuse victim to build up the confidence to remove themselves from an abusive situation. She urged people experiencing abuse to remember that they were not to blame.

An abusive partner is

“unlikely to change and in most circumstances, your only option for self-preservation is to get out of the situation before it is too late, as the deeply disturbing rates of gender-based violence and femicide in our country demonstrate all too clearly,”

Laskey said.

She said there are steps abuse victims could take to help remove themselves from their situation:

● First, identify possible support networks. These could be family, friends, social workers and so on who can provide the necessary practical and emotional support.

● Second, they should find a place of safety where they can go to. Members of your support network may be able to help provide shelter.

● You should then sit down and plan when and how you are going to leave and travel to the place of safety you've previously identified.

● Before you leave, make sure to gather all the important things you will need such as documents, clothing, medications, money and so on. All too often, people feel

“that extricating themselves from an abusive situation would be an insurmountable challenge. The despair of being stuck in an abusive relationship and continually re-traumatised can take a profound toll on one's physical and mental health.”

She added that social support and counselling can help people stuck in an abusive relationship work up the courage to leave. Getting to safety is part of

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taking back your power and noone but you can do this. Others can support you but the only way to heal is to walk this road yourself and this in itself can be most empowering,” she said. Once you are in a place of

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safety, you can take the time to mourn and grieve as part of processing all the emotions that come with making such an important change in your life.

Trying to return to a normal

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life requires breaking free of the effects the trauma has had on your behaviour because trauma disconnects us from ourselves, others and life. If trauma was experienced within a relationship, it is natural to become less trusting of others.

There are skills one can develop, with the help of a therapist, to help take back control and avoid similar situations in future.

This involves working on

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the behavioural aspects of overcoming vulnerability to engage in healthy relationships and other aspects of life with enjoyment, which is needed to fully heal.”

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