Fly Around The World Sim Kyazze

tragedy, said sorry for the first time. While subtly “campaigning” in Grahamstown last weekend, the then businessman said the language he had used in his email asking for the police to protect the Lonmin mine (he was a shareholder) from violent striking workers, was caustic and regrettable. Well, that will go down well, coming after it does a good five years later!

Belly Crack

If you’ve been tempted to smuggle cocaine to get around the recent Junk Status downgrade, be informed that it might work. Or not. British national Colin Smith was on a Virgin Atlantic flight from Antigua (the West Indies) to London Gatwick, when he informed his neighbour that he had swallowed 61 pellets of cocaine packages and perhaps one had burst. The plane made an emergency landing in Bermuda, a comatose Smith received emergency surgery and R700 000 worth of dope was retrieved from his stomach. He could have scored big. But then again, he came that close to dying.

Oh Uncle!

Over there in Zim, Uncle Bob is emphatic that his “estate” (for he runs the country like one runs a family), is the most developed in Africa. After SA of course! “Zimbabwe is the most highly developed country in Africa,” Uncle Bob said at the WEF on Africa (in Durban) last week. “After South Africa, I want to see another country as highly developed.” Zim has 14 Universities, a literacy rate of 90%, maize and tobacco. So, why are 3m Zimbabweans living in South Africa, Uncle Bob?

Cancer Alert

For the uninitiated, these are telltale signs of cancer: change in bowel or bladder habits: non-healing sore(s); unusual bleeding; lump in breast or testicle; indigestion or difficulty swallowing; obvious change in size, shape, colour shape of a wart or mole; and a nagging cough. If you have several of these, time to head to the GP or Settler’s Hospital.

Specific Cancers

…Oh and that’s not all. If you have persistent headaches; unexplained weight loss; chronic body or bone pain; chronic fatigue, nausea or vomiting; a persistent low-grade fever and repeated infections, you too could be a candidate for the grim reaper, via certain forms of cancer. To hospital you go!

New Leaders

In the Eastern Cape, Nqaba Bhanga became DA Eastern Cape Provincial leader last weekend. In Paris, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became France’s youngest ever president, handily beating right-wing candidate Marine Le Pen 66.5 to 34.5 percent. Le Pen wanted the French to follow Britain out of the EU; while Bhanga was a fiery ANC leaning student leader who defected to COPE in 2010 before defecting to the DA in 2014.

Going Nuclear

All the rhetoric about nuclear electricity in South Africa belies one big issue – it’s devastating power as a weapon of mass destruction. Saddam Hussein had the French build him a reactor (on the way to a bomb) at Osirak, which the Israelis destroyed in 1981. In Lybia, Muammar Gaddafi had his own WMDs decommissioned in exchange for Western investment (and he ended up dead). Even SA, which had its own advanced nuclear technology was forced by Westerner powers to give it up because they could not trust it in African hands (event those as saintly as Mandela’s). Having seen all this, the PRK (aka North Korea) Kim Jon-Un has speedily built his own nuclear bombs, knowing, as we do, that this is the ultimate insurance against American aggression. In Nuclear Speak, this is called MAD, or Mutually Assured Destruction. Oh, lest we forget, the only country to ever use a nuclear bomb is the US, twice in 1945, against Hiroshima and Nagasaki.