SIYAVELELWA WUKUXHOZWA IMALI EMAKHWENI
KUNAMAQINISO thina bantu abamnyama, ikakhulukazi eManycannibals Afrika esivele siwashutheke ebhange likangoqo - ngaphansi komqamelo - ngoba engafuni ukukhokha ama- charges ebhange.
Baqambe amanga abantu bathi hhayi kuyihlazo nje ukugolozela abantu basekhweni noma ukubatshela amaqiniso. Hheyi bakwethu, bayinkinga abantu basekhweni, ukunyuka kweTable Mountain! Bakuqala ungakaloboli, uze uzitshele ukuthi hhiya mhlawumbe uma usulobola bazokushaya nge- discount noma-ke nge- miscount uma i- discount ingekho!
Uzwe ufonelwa ngunina wentombi yakho ethi: “We mkhwenyana, awusize phela ingane yomfana wami iyagileda kusasa, sicela usithengele isudi!” He bana! Kwazisholo uThato Molamu esadlala indawo kaNicholas kwiGenerations. Ngesikhathi sekulotsholwa, utshelwe ukuthi kuzomele ukhiphe nemali yesihlalo sehhashi!
Uma ubuza ukuthi bazosenzani isihlalo ngoba kabanalo ihhashi, utshelwe ukuthi kuyisiko ukuba sifuneke, uvele ubone ukuthi hheyi, laba bantu are catching you the bull emini kwabha. Uyothi usathule, kufike usibali wakho kuthiwe uvakashile.
“Hhawu saze saba bakhulu mlamu wami savakashelwa nguwena…” bese uzimamathekisa into engasho lutho kodwa ngenhliziyo ube ubalisa. “Ugoduka nini-ke sibali…” Kuvele kuphendule lo wakubo… “Hawu bakithi, usungaze ubuze ingane yakithi ukuthi igoduka nini ingakahlali ngisho naphansi!”
Asho usibali athi uzogoduka ngesonto elizayo kodwa uxakeke ukuthi uzogoduka kanjani next week lo muntu ophethe ubhazabhaza kanxangisuke wesikhwama sabafazi basemafilimini aseNigeria uma bethutha. Kwenzeke-ke emuva kwezinsuku ezimbili efikile ubuye early emsebenzini, uthi uyabuza ukuthi uphi usibali, utshelwe ukuthi uyofuna itoho.
Uzibuze ukuthi uzohlalaphi lo muntu uma kwenzeka ethola umsebenzi - ukutshele unembeza wakho ngoba kawuzwani namanga…”Wabuza ibhasi ibhaliwe ukuthi uzohlala la kwakho!” Hhawu ahlale usibali afike u- next week aze adlule ayoshona le kwalast year. Uhleli usibali la akasebenzi ubhuqa ukudla, ugeza ngamanzi ashisayo ilanga libalele likhipha uSathane esihogweni.
Uma ubuza ukuthi kungani egeza ngamanzi ashiyo kube kushisa, kuphendule lo wakubo. “Wadlala ngengane kamama nje, ayayiqubula amanzi abandayo…” Usale usugwinya itshe ngoba phela ungaze uphakelwe iqatha elilodwa kodwa ukudla kube kuthengwa nguwena.
Uxakeke uma sekuthiwa kuyiwa ebhishi, nguyena phambili usibali ethi nje ufuna ukuthengelwa i- swimming costume. Uma uthi kayikho imali yaleyo nto, kusho lo wakubo, athi: “Hhawu yehheni, ibiyini nje i- swimming costume, hamba uyoyiboleka kwa-Elgaz angithi wena une- account khona.” Lo muntu ngesikhathi efika, ufike nengane. Hheyi iyadla nayo ungafunga ukuthi isisu sayo singangethangi le- truck, u- code 14 kanti singangenso kacilo.
Uma enza itiye ungafunga ukuthi ngelabantu abasemlindelweni, ulenza ligcwale ujeke aphuze into engangethotho kagologo, elisalayo aliqulele kusinki!
Ushiya imali yesinkwa uthi uyabuya emsebenzini izingane zakho zikhala ngendlala. “Hawu nazi izingane zithi zilambile, kasithengwanga yini isinkwa?” Kuphendule lo wakubo, athi: “Hheyi kalikho ithuna lendlala, leyo mali ngithengele ngayo ingane kadadewethu iPampers…”
Eqamba amanga, uthenge la manabukeni awombombayi akhathazwa wumjuluko wengane, uma ichamile kuvele kube sengathi igqoke i- hot water bottle! Ake izingane zakho zivakashe koninalume, uyavuthwa uthi tobo kuhle kwesitambu esiphekelwe isalukazi esinamazinyo esawathenga kudokotela.
Kungena ucingo lomkhwekazi wakho, athi: “We mkhwenyana, uyazi nje nawe lezi zingane zakho zingamaqanda akwaNulaid, ziyakhala zithi zifuna ama- korn flake manje thina sizidlela izinkobe lapha ekhaya, thumela nje noma okuwu-R1 000 ukuze phela siphumule bo, ziyatetema!”
Kuthi uma uthi ake bakuphe nawe lezo zinkobe, umkhwekazi ahleke uzwe nje ukuthi uhleko luhambisana nokumaketha okunentukuthelo. Uzwa sewubhokelwa yilo wakho ethi: “Awungitshele, udlalelani ngomama umfunana nezinkobe ngoba umbila u- out of season?”
Nkulunkulu wami waseMhlanga Rocks! Onkabi basekhweni baze baqhamuka netemu lokuthi umkhwenyana yisigodo sokuxhuzula ngoba befuna ukusixhoza amaphakethe aze afane nenethi yepali le- soccer!
Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!