Usezile ucansi iminyaka eyisithupha
KUYISITAYELA kwabanye ukuzithathela isinqumo sokungayi ocansini, iningi labo okungabesifazane abathi abazihlanganisi nendoda. Yize lokhu kujwayeleke kwabakholwayo, ukungayi ocansini okubizwa ngecelibacy ngomunye umkhuba osujoyinwe ngisho abangasindisiwe. Umuntu ozibophezela kulo mkhuba ubizwa nge-celibate ngoba usuke ezinqumele ukuthi ngeke aye ocansini.
UNksz Amanda Ndiki obizwa ngeQueen of Celibacy njengoba eseneminyaka eyisithupha engayi ocansini, uthe akaluhaleli nhlobo ucansi noma indoda.
UNksz Ndiki (38) obuye abe ngumvangeli, uthe ukuba yi-celibate akuhlangene kuphela nenkolo kodwa yisinqumo somuntu. Encwadini yakhe ethi Stepping Into Your True Self, uyachaza ngalesi sinqumo sakhe.
Uthe isikhathi esiningi umuntu usuke efuna ukuzithola ukuthi yini emjabulisayo, azinike isikhathi ngokuzazi kabanzi. Yize abanye bethi lo mkhuba ngowabesifazane, uthe bakhona nabesilisa abazinqumela ukuba ngama-celibate.
“Kwesinye isikhathi senza izinto ngoba nakhu abanye bezenza njengakho ukuya ocansini. Ngokwabantu uma ujola kumele uye ocansini kanti akumele kube njalo. Uma uzikhethela ukungayi ocansini usuke ufuna ukukhombisa ukuthi awulawulwa yimizwa yakho. Abanye baya ocansini ngisho bengathandi kodwa ngoba kumele kwenzeke,” echaza.
Uveze ukuthi ukuzithathela isinqumo sokungayi ocansini usuke ugwema ukugcina ulala nabantu abaningi ngoba kuyenzeka ubudlelwano buphele, udlulele phambili. Uthe ukulala nomuntu kwenza unamathele kuye ngokomoya, yingakho abanye bekhetha ukungayi nhlobo ocansini.
Ezinye izizathu athe zenza abanye bathathe lesi sinqumo, ukuthi basuke befuna ukuphola uma kungahambanga kahle ebudlelwaneni bezothando.
UNksz Ndiki ucacise ngokuthi kwehlukene ukuzithiba ocansini okubizwa nge-abstinence nesinqumo sokuba yi-celibate.
“Ungakwazi ukuzithiba ocansini kodwa usebenzise ezinye izindlela zokujabulisa imizwa yakho. Uma uyi-celibate awuzijabulisi ngalutho kodwa ugwema konke okuhambisana nocansi. Uma uzithiba usuke uzibekele isikhathi esithize kodwa kwi-celibacy kuyenzeka uzibekele lesi sinqumo ingunaphakade,” kusho yena.
UNksz Ndiki oke washada wabuye wahlukanisa, uyavuma ukuthi akulula kulesi sinqumo. Uthe uma usaqala ukusithatha kungcono ungajoli nhlobo ukuze ugweme izilingo. Yize abanye abangamacelibate bejola, yena uthe akajoli nhlobo futhi akanasizungu sendoda. Ukugwema izilingo uthe kubalulekile ukungabuki izinhlelo zethelevishini ezizovusa imizwa.
Owesifazane ocele ukungadalulwa, uthe wathatha lesi sinqumo eminyakeni emine edlule emuva kokuphoxeka emshadweni. Uthe wayevele ezinqumele ukuthi uyolala nomuntu ayoshada naye kuphela . Kuthe uma behlukana naye wazinqumela ukuthi ngeke aphinde aye ocansini nenye indoda.
UNksz Zola Dudeni oyiPscychologist uthe ezinye izizathu ezidala abantu bathathe lesi sinqumo kubalwa ukudlwengulwa, ukulinda umshado nokuhlukumezeka ebudlelwaneni. Uthe abanye basuke bengaluthandi ngokwemvelo ucansi, athe babizwa ngama-asexuals.