The cost of going home is more than Christmas lunch
Getting there: Johannesburg to East London and back
If I’m flying, which I always prefer, I usually book my ticket in mid-November for the weekend after December 16.
The airports are overcrowded shitshows but better than the roads, which at this time of year are death traps where I’ve seen people drive and drink alcohol with family and unbuckled toddlers in tow.
One year I went by car with an uncle and the costs were pretty much the same as flying.
• Flights to East London: R2 200 and R3 500 return
• Drive to East London: R1 200 for two full tanks
• Food, drinks, snacks on the road trip: R380
• Tips for the petrol attendants: R20
• Toll gates: R100
Once you get to East London
• Going out with your high school or varsity friends at Bar Kulcha, Bora Bora, Wise Guys, Blackspades or Numbers:
R400
• You will inevitably attend a wedding, amabhaso, a bridal shower or a baby shower and have to have a gift and an outfit: R500
• Umbhaco and other traditional clothing to wear to said mabhaso and imigidi that lead up to Christmas: R350
• New hair, nails and lashes: for some people, you kind of have to look like you live in Generations: R1 000 to R10 000
• Wine, vodka, gin and mixers that you keep in a secret stash because you’re home: R300
• A bottle of bubbly or some cash for what the group decides to buy when you visit your childhood family friends: R200
• Petrol for when you have to go to the rural areas: R500
• Snacks and lunch for the trip bought at the Shell Ultra City in Queenstown or the one-stop Kei Cuttings. Or burgers from the perpetually overwhelmed Steers in Dutywa: R200
• Contributions at your ancestral home: R500
• A sheep that you either split with siblings or buy as your main contribution: R1 800
• Three or more live chickens: R75 each
• Two or three nips of brandy for your rural uncles: R180
• An expensive bottle of whisky for your city uncles to share: R500 • Three six-packs of Savannah for your extended aunts and cousins: R240
• Treats for the children and elders (Milo, choice assorted biscuits or large packets of Doritos that they can keep throughout the new year): R150
• A bottle of brandy for each mgidi you will attend because you can’t come empty-handed: R300 • iKrismesi: small gifts of airtime, data and e-wallets for people you haven’t seen in a long time whom you love dearly but are not necessarily close to: R200 • Returning to East London snacks and takeaway meals if you haven’t packed meat and bread in a skaftin from your grandmother: R150
• Petrol: R100
• One more braai before going back to the city: R200
Back to Jo’burg