IN BRIEF

Trump’s ‘unity’ proves divisive

United States President Donald Trump made it to Congress, a few weeks late, to deliver his State of the Union address. (He’d been delayed by the 35-day government shutdown he caused by insisting on a border wall with Mexico.) Trump called for the nation to “move forward together”, but hammered on about his precious wall — an idea rejected by the bulk of voters who put a Democrat majority into Congress. He insisted the wall would be built to stop “drug dealers and human traffickers” he believes are heading for the US border. He also promised that the US would never become a “socialist country”, as though that were a realistic danger. He claimed an “economic miracle” was happening in the US, but it could be derailed by “ridiculous partisan investigations” —meaning the special counsel’s probe into his Russia connections. (We call that a non sequitur.) One Democrat representative was photographed apparently playing Candy Crush on her phone during the speech. A child Trump had invited, because he wanted to use him as an example of standing up to bullies at school, fell asleep during the speech. Surprisingly for the most vindictive US president in recent history, he also called for an end to the “politics of revenge, resistance and retribution”. Or is he thinking about that investigation again?

Ngwenya defends use of k-word

Black people frequently use the k-word, said Peter-paul Ngwenya, who is on trial for crimen injuria. In July last year, he called his former friend and business partner, Investec chief executive Fani Titi, a “Qwaqwa k **** r” (well, he spelt out the word) in a text message cursing him for not delivering profits on multimillion-rand media deals they were involved in. Ngwenya (a former political prisoner and once a Mail & Guardian board member) claims Titi owes him more than R50-million. Asked by the judge in the Randburg magistrate’s court about his use of the k-word, Ngwenya said:

“In South Africa, racist whites use it to undermine black people. Among black people it is commonly used to describe the behaviour of a person.” The message followed an incident last year in which Ngwenya stormed into Titi’s offices and, according to witnesses, pushed staff around and threatened to “kill these dogs” if he didn’t get his money. Titi then petitioned the court for a protection order against Ngwenya.

Sisulu’s fright and investment flight

Lindiwe Sisulu, the minister of international relations and co-operation, put on her The bail amount that self-proclaimed prophet Shepherd “Major One” Bushiri and his wife Mary each paid after their brief appearance before the Specialised Commercial Crimes Court in Pretoria. The couple were arrested on several charges of fraud and moneylaundering The amount Kaizer Chiefs legend Donald “Ace” Khuse reportedly made a month when he was first signed to the club. Today the average salary for a PSL player is reportedly between R100 000 and R120 000 a month The number of cepheids (cosmic yardsticks) astronomers used to map out the galaxy, changing the view of the galaxy from a flat, pancake-like disk

to that of a warped S The distance the Earth’s north pole wanders each year. Scientists say it is causing havoc with compasses The number of years since roamed the eearth. The which had a row of half-metre spines protruding from its neck, was recently discovered by scientists in Argentina fright wig and had a hissy fit over an alleged memorandum addressed to President Cyril Ramaphosa by South Africa’s major trading partners (responsible for 75% of foreign direct investment in the country), including the US and United Kingdom. The memorandum was really part of a discussion document prepared for Ramaphosa’s own investment conference in mid-2018. It said Ramaphosa would have to deal seriously with corruption in South Africa, as well as stabilise the business regulatory regime, if he wanted foreign investment here. That seems obvious. He has been calling somewhat desperately for foreign investment in the country, and promised repeatedly to deal with corruption. Sisulu, ignoring the obvious and taking the Sunday Times story literally, complained that the memorandum ignored diplomatic process. But that was mild compared with ANC spokesperson

Zizi Kodwa’s response. He wore no wig but reverted to ancient rhetoric, saying the letter was an “agenda for regime change” by Western imperialists. Back to a cold war with investors, then?

Prophet could be renamed Profit

Prominent Malawi-born evangelist Prophet Shepherd Bushiri, known as “Major One” to his followers, was arrested for fraud and money-laundering along with his wife (“Prophetess” Mary Bushiri), charged and released on bail. They are accused of breaking the exchange control law “related to foreign currency in an amount of 1 147 200 USD”, as the Hawks put it. Bushiri, who leads the Enlightened Christian Gathering (ECG) church, has several other business interests in South Africa. ECG members protested outside the specialised commercial crimes court in Pretoria, where the Bushiris were charged. They tried to call down “Holy Ghost fire” on the Hawks (didn’t happen) and sprayed Hawks vehicles with “anointing oil”. Black First Land First would-be demagogue Andile Mngxitama claimed the arrests were a white monopoly capitalist plot “to shut down certain black churches”. The Bushiris were arrested at a luxury spa hotel they own in Rustenburg. A recent stampede at one of the “Major One’s” gatherings left three dead. An explosion, apparently of methane gas, which is common in mines, has left 22 people trapped underground at the Gloria coal mine in Middelburg, Mpumalanga. It was reported that 42 people were underground, stealing cables, when the explosion occurred; 20 were able to reach safety. The mine is owned by the Gupta company Optimum, which is in business rescue. Workers at the mine have not been paid since October and most stopped reporting for work in December, when they also staged protests. Cable theft has become common at the mine. The Guptas acquired the mine in dodgy circumstances, supported by Eskom, to which it supplies coal.

De Lille manifesto: It’s all Good

Former Cape Town mayor Patricia de Lille, who split from the Democratic Alliance recently, launched the election manifesto of her new party, Good, this past week. Like the ANC, it promises to encourage investment, create jobs, end corruption, unbundle Eskom, and basically solve all South Africa’s problems by waving a magic wand that will cause shitloads of money to rain down upon everyone, especially the formerly oppressed. Oh, sorry, that last one is from the Economic Freedom Fighters’ manifesto.