Talk about sex: experts
In the modern-day relationships millennials engage in, sex is usually part of the conversation and decision-making of a potential future together. Reporter MARYANNE ISAAC asks young South Africans for their views, and experts share their advice
THE days of waiting for the right one, and the right time, is slowly fading away and the reality is that sex before marriage has become acceptable in most millennial relationships.
But experts say millennials tend to give in to serious relationships too early in their lives, instead of setting goals and achieving their dreams. A partner (or first love) always takes precedence, as it is a human need to be loved and feel loved.
According to Chatsworth life coach and motivational speaker Jennifer Chetty, there are many reasons that lead young people to engage in sex before marriage.
Young people succumb to peer pressure and are likely to give in to be “the cool one” in the group, she said.
When a group of friends share their sex experiences, a few won’t have a similar story to share and it’s easy to feel left out.
“The stance that society has taken on sex before marriage has compelled young people to think that they now have permission to have sex,” said Chetty. “With condoms being handed out at schools, libraries and universities, this almost gives permission to young people to have sex before marriage. The option of remaining pure for a marriage partner is no more practised as it should be. The absence of good parents or mentors in the lives of young people also contributes to children having sex.”
Most parents tense up at the very thought of ‘the talk’ when their children reach a mature age where sexual intercourse can happen. At this crucial stage of a teenager’s life, they are curious and will do anything to fit in.
“Having the talk with your children and ensuring they have an understanding of sex and the consequences that can follow, can enlighten an individual when making the choices in a relationship,” said Chetty.
The sex talk can make a parent feel anxious, but when one thinks of unplanned pregnancies, STIs and HIV/Aids, it should be a priority, she added.
“We have become increasingly aware of sexually transmitted diseases, HIV/Aids and other sicknesses associated with engaging in sex with one or different partners. The high level of teenage pregnancies cannot be ignored. Society is faced with children becoming parents. The consequences and responsibilities of having sex as a young person should not be forgotten. Am I prepared to bring another life into this world? Can I afford to feed, clothe and educate this little person? What about my vision and goals for my life?” said Chetty.
“When we have sex with people we always leave a piece of who we are in that relationship. Some of us end up missing pieces of who we are, and end up looking for those pieces in our adult years in the wrong places.”
According to Sarah Duff, a researcher in history of childhood, medicine and sexuality at Wits University, when guidance classes were introduced in white schools in 1967 and black schools in 1981, they included only a little sex education and were equally conservative. Since 1994, sex education has been a part of a compulsory subject, life orientation, in all South African schools, Duff said in a research paper.
While researchers argue that life orientation tends to emphasise abstinence as the only form of appropriate sexual behaviour outside marriage, this strategy has had little impact on reducing teenage pregnancy and rates of STDs internationally.
Vee Gani, chairman of the Parents Association of KwaZuluNatal, said the department of education realised it was a touchy subject, and parents can become angry.
“Children as young as 12 or 13 are in relationships, maybe not sexual, but it becomes a distraction from their education. Parents ought to have discussions at home,” he said. “There have been examples of children having sex at schools. It is a parent’s responsibility to inform young people to make the right choices in life.”