There are honourable men out there

THIS is a letter to a letter about an open letter to Indian men by columnist Tivania Moodley. Confusing right? Not as confusing as the high level of support the bad boys get.

I’ve never met Tivania Moodley and we’ve exchanged a few words over social media about this relevant and topical conversation resonated with me.

I felt compelled to show support to the cause.

For the purpose of a particular reader’s pedantic and misplaced concern, South African Indian Male/Men/ Man shall be referred to as Saim.

Some words have surfaced in the responses: gross misrepresentation, not all Indian men, leave our men alone etc.

We need to apply some emotional intelligence here.

I have my own life experiences, Tivania has hers and we have a network of women who have been left damaged by Saim.

What is the intention of these pieces?

It certainly is not to emasculate the Saim.

It is about saying: “Guys, there’s a serious social problem… do something about it and do it quickly or you’re never going to enjoy the value of an honourable Indian woman.”

Before you read on, know there are honourable, decent men out there, who deserve great praise for how they treat women.

This is not to discredit them in any way or form. Please put your measuring tapes away.

You’re exacerbating the issue when you pretend that a problem does not exist, even if you’re personally not part of it.

You contribute towards the problem by dismissing the voices of women.

If you are not the kind of man who treats a woman like dirt, then why are you offended?

If you’re raising your sons to respect women, then we applaud you.

If you’re leading by example, that’s a wonderful thing and we celebrate it.

But stop protecting the jerks among you because you feel like a victim now that you appear in a category and compelled to have the last word.

Rupi Kaur encapsulates what we want to say:

“I am not a hotel room; I am home.

I am not the whiskey you want; I am the water you need. Don’t come here with expectations, and try to make a vacation out of me.”

Good Saims exist. Of course they exist or single women would not risk going out and meeting them.

Perhaps Tivania did not communicate the full extent of the problem in a way that all readers can identify with in her initial piece, but the topic must evolve into one that allows us to stop and think about what we are doing wrong as a society.

Or do nothing and let us call your “friends” on their bad behaviour.

Don’t be embarrassed. We’re only telling you what you already know – but refuse to accept.

NIRVANI PILLAY

Johannesburg