Strength amidst adversity

E ALWAYS have a perception of cancer, a fear of the unknown. Finding out you have cancer is not something you can immediately accept with open arms. My journey was one of a discovery of self.

It all happened in August 2015 when my life changed completely.

I noticed my right breast had become swollen, painful and red and there was a lump under my armpit.

Three weeks later, it did not disappear as I expected. Instead it had become unbearable, so I decided to make an appointment for a mammogram, I was then required to have a biopsy.

With a family history of cancer, I waited as patiently as I could for the results. A few days later, my GP told me my results were clear and that I had nothing to worry about.

I can still remember his words: “You can celebrate as you do not have cancer.”

I was over the moon as I did not know if I could handle bad news. Sometimes the strongest of people cannot face the facts or the truth.

I continued my life as normal for a few days.

I work for radiologists and was lucky my biopsy results were also sent to them.

A radiologist, in a subtle way, confirmed the actual results of my biopsy. It was a truth that I did not want to hear or believe.

I was dumbstruck, my whole life was about to change. A million thoughts clouded my mind. I had unanswered questions.

Am I going to die? What will happen to my family? How will I tell them? So many questions I could not find the answers to. I was in an emotional turmoil.

I held my head and prayed to God to please give me strength. I cried to my heart’s content until I was satisfied and while I drove home from work that evening, I cried a whole lot more.

No amount of tears could make the fear of having cancer disappear.

My husband knew it was going to be the biggest challenge in our lives and was prepared to take on this challenge with me, giving me support, love and encouragement to weather the storm ahead.

The radiologist made urgent appointments for me to meet with a surgeon and oncologist and I relied fully on the surgeon and oncologist to pave the p a t h towards recovery.

It all happened so fast. Within a few days, my husband and I met with specialists and after further tests, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 triple negative breast cancer.

A treatment plan was agreed upon between the surgeon and oncologist.

The surgeon was not able to perform surgery at the outset as my tumour was large and aggressive.

My treatment plan entailed 16 rounds of chemotherapy, a right mastectomy and 25 days of radiotherapy.

September 7, 2015, was the first day of chemotherapy. The first of the killer “red devil” Adriamycin Cytoxan, a chemotherapy regimen usually given for localised breast cancers.

A few days later, I went into

the biggest black hole of my life. The side effects of the chemotherapy had taken over my body and my life completely.

Nausea, pain, hair loss and a decline in my white and red blood cells whereby my immune system took a knock.

Hair loss did not affect me emotionally as I prepared myself to deal with it. However, the pain whilst falling out was unbearable.

I lost part of my vision, suffered a loss in balance and appetite and fatigue. I was ready to give up. I couldn’t do this. I wasn’t strong enough for this. It would be easier to die.

My husband would not let me die. All I heard him say was “I’m not ready to see you wither away. You need to fight this. We will do this together.”

These words made me realise I needed to live. I have a purpose.

From that day onward, I fought with determination and courage, giving no reason for cancer to take me over. I adapted to changes daily that offered no road map and stayed strong and positive throughout.

I was hospitalised a few times during chemotherapy and many nights it was to and from emergency centres, but each time I was back, fighting from strength to strength.

My husband was my eyes when I could not see. He was my voice when I could not speak and my strength when I was weak. He got me through this without a murmur of complaint.

I continued with the rest of chemotherapy until February 25, 2016. I had 12 weekly TAXOL (anti-cancer chemotheraphy drug) treatments, which were less hard on my body and I coped well during this time.

On March 14, 2016, I had surgery to remove my right breast. I prepared myself mentally prior to undergoing surgery by doing research and having counselling.

I recovered well after surgery with just minor issues, but otherwise I was feeling great, thanks to my surgeon.

As a woman, you never really prepare yourself for this, but if you accept your body changes and love yourself, you become confident and brave.

My histology results after the surgery was favourable as all margins were free of tumour and none of my 16 lymph nodes removed were cancerous.

My surgeon and oncologist gave me the news that “there were no traces on the cancer”. I was relieved and feeling blessed and thanked God for every part of my journey.

On May 9, 2016, I started radiotherapy and completed 25 treatments on June 14 of that year.

Radiotherapy is a breeze compared to chemotherapy. All I felt was tiredness sometimes after treatment but I always revived myself with healthy eating and water.

I strive to be an inspiration to other breast cancer patients by educating and sharing my experiences.

How many people are lucky enough to be given the gift of time?

Remember that it is not all about the way you look or how much hair you have or eyebrows. It’s about your health.

Accept yourself the way you are. Listen to your body and never give up on life.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Each of us is different and we will never experience the same side effects. All you can do, is take every day as it comes. Stay patient and trust your journey but, most of all, trust in God.

Breast cancer did not ruin my life. It changed my life. It actually taught me to prioritise my life. It was all worth it in the end.

Focus each day on things you can control. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.

September 7, 2017, marked two years after my diagnosis. If I honestly told the world I was okay then I would actually be lying.

It is impossible to put into words for the people who have never experienced the cancer journey. I feel isolated and alone even when I am surrounded by people who love me.

The lasting effects of chemotherapy and radiation never goes away. I hold onto the positives.

I am still alive two years later and I thank God for every breath I take.

Each day I keep putting one foot in front of the other – even if it is baby steps.

It means I persevere and persist, doing what it takes, and stopping only to rest, so that I learn to live differently.