Raise them to make world a better place
IWAS caught so off guard I spilled my coffee. “Is that your child?” shouted this burly man to me, while pointing to a five-year-old boy in the play area.
I politely answered no, while pointing out my children sitting with me.
He didn’t apologise, but instead stormed off.
Then, out of the blue, that same little boy randomly came up to my 12-year-old son, hit him, pinched him hard, then ran away. My son was as dumbfounded as I was.
We brushed it off and continued eating.
My three- year- old gobbled down her breakfast and rushed off to the play area. Suddenly, I heard her cry.
This little boy slapped her hard across her face, pinched her, shoved her and told her to leave. I rushed over to her, held her in my arms and comforted her. I demanded to know where his parents were, but he stuck his tongue out at me and ran off.
Then a loud wail came from the play area again and another little boy was bitten by this same child and he ran off crying to his parents while this little spoiled brat continued to bully, beat, pinch, shove and shout at the kids around him, causing people to leave so as to avoid a fight. That was it! I’d had enough. I went to him, took him by his hand and told him to take me to his mom. She was so engrossed with her phone that she didn’t even know I was with her son. I then very politely explained what her son was doing.
Her response, without any apology, was: “He is a child. It’s harmless. He doesn’t know any better and, besides, you should let the children sort it out between themselves.”
I stood there stunned. She ignored me and then told him to go continue playing.
Seriously! Was that all? I was furious. If my children behaved that way, they would have hell to pay. I would not only make them apologise to the child but also to their parents before giving them a good spanking. I mean, spare the rod and spoil the child right? Some may call me a child abuser. I call it discipline and that is what our children lack today.
I thought of the three-yearold who had urinated outside a store recently. Videos show the child just pulling her pants down and relieving herself. While I disagree with how the matter was handled, I had to wonder – was it also a case of “she’s a child and doesn’t know any better”?
Recently, a classmate smashed my son’s head against a desk at school and he suffered a mild concussion, although there was the same response. “They don’t know any better and they should sort it out between themselves.”
How can they sort it out when they don’t know any better?
I read something that said: “Youth today are criticised constantly by the older generation for how we are now, but they forget who raised us.”
That’s my point. As parents, we have adopted a view of life that tells us to allow our children to have choices in order to find themselves. Really?
As parents, we are responsible for our children’s behaviour and choices. Yes, they are children and they really don’t know any better. That’s why it is our resp on sibility to give them the guidance they need by providing them with the road maps on their journey.
How can they find themselves when they don’t know the directions, and by that I mean values, boundaries, responsibility, knowing right from wrong and, most importantly, etiquette with respect?
Every child is born with a blank canvas. They are innocent and don’t know any better, but then we as parents add the colour to that canvas. Children just don’t wake up one day and decide to stop wearing nappies and start using the bathroom. They don’t suddenly go from not being unable to speak to one day waking up and speaking. They are born naked but don’t stay that way. Everything about who they are and what they do has been taught to them by us – their parents.
And yes, we can be give them choices but I find the problem is we over-compensate for all we didn’t have or for not spending enough time with them and so we give them too many options, which, in turn, makes them lose the basics lessons like the value of life and respect for others. We then start raising a nation of entitled bullies.
Children have even forgotten how to address elders properly.
I have 12-year-olds calling me Tash. What? I am not their friend. I am their elder. As such, they will call me Aunty Tash. My nephews and nieces call me mosie. (aunt in Hindi) I won’t have it any other way, because I deserve that respect and they need to show it.
Even the littlest lessons teach children value. Kids who are not taught to be accountable for their actions will continue through life thinking nothing is their fault and believing everything is owed to them.
And I believe firmly it’s the reason we have a bullying pandemic and that is certainly not about not knowing any better.
A child educated only at school is the worst kind of uneducated child. Wisdom, knowledge, morals, common courtesy and life lessons start at home.
If we want our children to keep their feet on the ground, we need to put some responsibilities on their shoulders.
It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.
You choose life!
Tash Reddy is an entrepreneur, radio and film producer, radio talk show host, motivational writer and speaker and founder of Widowed SA.