Abusing a child becomes a karmic curse

MY grandmother once told me that when newborn babies smile, they are communicating with God, and more recently a friend’s wife, who is pregnant, told me that when she played a particular song, the baby kicked in response.

So Tivania Moodley is on target when she says kids are more resilient, intuitive and sharp at picking up subtle nuances, in her column “Living a Life of Unhappiness is not in Children’s Interest” (POST, November 29 to December 3). She skilfully weaves her own personal experiences to create an awesome reality of the situation, which made for interesting reading.

Up until now, it has been de rigueur for society for custody of children to be awarded to the mother. During epic divorce battles, children are used as pawns to negotiate for leverage and are always the biggest losers in this human chess game, where every move can have terrible consequences for the other.

How often do we hear tired judges lamenting in juvenile courts about children being the products of broken homes, fatherless and without direction, without love and abandoned, and a generalisation of disadvantaged upbringing?

Some children become emotionally whipsawed between parents and when faced with a choice find it difficult to comprehend.

From early in life, many are saddled with a tag and a burden often too heavy to carry. Especially with an absent father, many girls are seen as common land, without a fence or borders.

Boys too often become timorous ciphers, who turn to a life of crime.

Scarred by neglect and alienation, this can lead to terrible narcissist injuries and a lifetime quest to heal their own wounds.

For many young people, embroidered in their emotional repertoire are stitches of a broken and tormented childhood, which compresses their capacity to love, so they are buffeted by inchoate and undecipherable ambivalences into adulthood. They sequestrate their emotions securely in the padlocked basements of their hearts, which eventually break out and rear their ugly heads in their adult lives.

Adults given the task to lovingly steer a child in the world, instead plunder her. They give little thought to the child, who will inherit their lack of love.

Children remember, they can hold grudges and keep secrets. I warn errant parents that violence procreates. And the children your violence procreates will return to you as savage and mindless thugs.

You may not recognise them as yours, but they will recognise you! It is a vicious cycle, a karma or a generational curse. KEVIN GOVENDER Shallcross