Freedom: just wishful thinking
I WAS still in high school when the country was changing in leaps and bounds. There was jubilation all over. We were finally going to vote, finally be free, finally have our voices heard and finally have a promised peace. Freedom was coming… but did it?
And where’s the promised peace? I look around and not just at the country but our communities and the families in it. There’s no freedom anywhere and certainly no peace except the illusion of it.
We seem to be living in a time where being free and having peace means choosing not to conform to the false pretences and lies that we live – the lies we comfort ourselves with to be truth and the only way to live. Our voices are silenced in a bid to “keep the peace” but is it peace? How free are we?
A man in his fifties goes up to his adult niece at a party. He says: “If only you were not my niece…”
Shocked? It’s the truth. The man has on numerous occasions made such suggestions to her and even sent her numerous text messages with sexual innuendoes over the years. She has had to always keep quiet and allow it. Why? She was told not to cause a problem. “Keep the peace”.
I have sat with numerous rape victims – most of whom are children abused by family members. Those same children, who have been violated in the vilest manner are told by their parents not to say anything because it will cause problems. We need to “keep the peace”.
In another family a young man kills himself because his parents refused to accept he was gay. It was the loss of such a young life only because it interfered with the window dressing and would disrupt the “keep the peace” they so perfectly showed off to everyone.
In another family a young woman is killing herself every day through drinking copiously and sitting in various bars and casinos. She uses profane language with everyone, including her children, and is extremely abusive to her husband yet no one daresay anything to get her the help she needs. Why?
They have to “keep the peace” and the perfect window dressing intact.
An 82-year-old woman was beaten black and blue by her granddaughter and husband who lived with her. The granddaughter even accused the old woman of wanting to steal her husband and therefore verbally and physically abused her day in and day out but the old lady won’t have them arrested. Why? Again, “keep the peace”. What would people say?
Then there is the old lady who sits in a government hospital from 3am to collect her medication. Her husband left her a large sum of money when he died but gave his daughter power of attorney over it.
The daughter enjoys fabulous trips around the world, buys fancy cars and shows off her extravagant life on social media, while her mother lives in a rented outbuilding she uses her grant to pay for and barely has enough left over for food. Will anyone say anything. No! You cant. You have to “keep the peace”.
In another family, the husband and wife fight constantly. They don’t speak to each other.
The husband’s family is financially dependent on their son and so excuses everything he does, even his affairs. They degrade and gossip and demean his faithful, committed wife when she tries to stand up for herself and says no to their abuse. Why? Again she is forced to “keep the peace” and be silent in order for the window dressing to stay intact.
She goes through life miserable, living only for her children, having lost herself in that false world which made her believe she has no value.
Every single day I see such turmoil. People hiding behind their religions, while they use and abuse everyone in sight. I see parents neglect their children and show no interest in their lives. I see numerous affairs. I see so much violence.
I see so much sadness. So much pain. So much hurt. So much suffering and yet people continue as long as it “keeps the peace” and shows the world how perfect life is.
And let me tell you what happens when you break the silence and actually start to reveal the truth. You are told you are choosing sides. You become an outsider, the black sheep, the hated one, the trouble maker, the one who is fake, the one who is evil, the one who is bitter because you are the one who disrupted the false peace and tore down the window dressing and revealed what is behind it and for that you have to be silenced.
And it took me to Mama Winnie Madikizela-Mandela. I watched her since I was little, fight the fight for peace and for freedom. She never ever conformed. She stood in her truth, which led her from some people seeing her as an icon to some people seeing her as a con. Their perception of her all came down to their own window dressing.
The thing is in life: when you know what you stand for you will never have to choose a side nor will you ever have to lie. Freedom is found when we let go of who we are forced to be and embrace who we really are and I for one prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.
It is actually more freeing to love life accepting who you are and what the real situation is knowing it is not perfect than living your whole life pretending it is.
So as we go into another Freedom Day, remember to live a life of value means emerging from the shackles of conformity. Like Mama Winnie said: If you are to free yourselves you must break the chains of oppression. Only then can you express true dignity. Any acceptance otherwise is an acceptance of inferiority (sic).
I love this quote: “Be careful of who you pretend to be. You might forget who you truly are, so in order to save yourself you must destroy first who you were told to be.” Anonymous.
Be authentic. Stand for truth. Free yourself.
You Choose Life.