Malema the tyrant

TOADYING panjandrum Julius Malema continues to be paranoid, seeing conspiracy everywhere, and seeks to impute a pedagogical purpose to his tyranny.

His continued racial rhetoric is like listening to the incessant barking of a deranged dog. Besides the nationalisation of banks and mines, and the expropriation of land without compensation, hereunder is a list of what could happen the day he becomes president of this country.

Change the name of Indian Ocean to African Ocean. Immediately increase on import duties for all pulses, spices and rice. Ban the catching of shad. Install nets during sardine season, so that the shoals cannot beach. Grant free overseas citizenship for India. Enrol all homeless people and bin bag invaders into his School of Pavement Archaeologists. Make Phoenix and Chatsworth autonomous.

There will be no maids or gardeners. Implement a water tax for swimming pool and car wash owners. All security and car guards will be incorporated into the SAPS. Budding black artists will be employed as road markers. Roadside vendors will be remunerated should they double up as traffic pointsmen when robots are not working.

Pep Stores will be granted a banking licence with immediate effect. There will be an increase in child support grants. All MK Veterans will receive the state president’s award for bravery and pension for life.

He will appoint himself as honorary president of Safa and have a final say in all football matters.

In addition to the above, he will fast-track the National Health Insurance, ban foreign journalists and make Limpopo the capital of South Africa. And we thought Idi Amin was bad? KEVIN GOVENDER Shallcross