The grit behind the glitz in life-changing gender choice
FOR two transgender women being true to who they really are, is a challenge. They have been ridiculed, defamed, assaulted and shunned because they do not conform to what society expects.
Farida Jalal and Daniela Simone Keisha, who were both born as men, say enough is enough and by sharing their stories have taken a stand against homophobia and stigmatisation.
They run the support group Gay Fraternity South Africa, which has about 120 members from areas including Chatsworth and Reservoir Hills. They also have members from Johannesburg.
Jalal, 38, of Greenbury, Phoenix, whose registered name is Farhaad Hamid, said the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community faced painful challenges.
“We have been mocked, called derogatory names, including being labelled promiscuous, and assaulted. We get nasty stares and snide comments at shopping malls. We’ve overheard people say ‘look at those gay moffies’ and we are accused of being dirty and chasing straight men. It’s sad because in many instances, it is the straight men who approach us,” explained Jalal, a make-up and hair stylist.
“We get treated as if we are nothing but rubbish. When we are out dressed in women’s attire, men approach us but we tell them we are not women but transgender. We get beaten and some have been raped and murdered, but those cases are swept under the rug.”
Jalal said as a child sh e was drawn to playing dress-up and hosting beauty pageants instead of playing outside with toy cars and trucks.
“I was always attracted to dolls. I loved make-up, dresses and my mother’s high-heeled shoes. At that time there was no such things as wigs, so I used a doily.
“I also never enjoyed attending events because I did not want to wear suits. I wanted to have what my sisters had – the make-up, jewellery, fancy clothes and shoes.”
Watching the Miss South Africa contest on television every year was a must, she said.
“I would gather all the children in the community and have my own contest. I think that is where my love for pageants stemmed.”
Jalal said at that time she realised she was feminine but only discovered her sexuality later on.
“When I used to play dress-up, everyone thought it was a phase and laughed it off, saying I would grow out of it. I was still young to think about dating or understand the term gay. It was only when I was in high school and needed to explore my sexuality that I realised I was attracted to handsome butch-looking guys.”
She said she dated girls “but the relationships never lasted”.
Jalal said she always stood out while at school.
“I was different to the boys. I never played sport and I preferred to sit with the girls talking about all feminine things – and boys. As a result, I was mocked and ridiculed by the straight boys and called nasty names. It was difficult to even go to the toilet alone. I found it difficult to excel in my studies and sank into a depression.”
After completing school, Jalal said she visited a gay nightclub and soon discovered she was not alone.
“I realised there were people like me; some openly gay, some closeted, but I did not feel so confused any more. I then met Daniela, who became my ‘mother’ in the gay world.”
A few months later, she was introduced to drag pageants.
“I started dressing in feminine clothing and spent hours perfecting my make-up. I became more confident and flamboyant.”
Jalal said her family was unaware she was gay until she was told it was time to get married… to a woman.
“I was in my early 20s and my mother said it was time to look for a girl and settle down. I did not know how to react as I had met a gay man and we were dating, so I just blurted out that I was gay. It was a major shock for her. She had fallen ill and had to be hospitalised.
“When she came home, she said, ‘You are still my child, it is better you have told the truth now than deceive someone by getting married’. My entire family accepted me and my goal is to now get others to understand the LGBT community. We are human, too.”
Beaten
Keisha, 40, of Phoenix, who was born Daniel Rudy Chettiar, said “coming out” was difficult – she was severely beaten and disowned by her family.
“I was about 14 when I came out to a family that was conservative. I was beaten with a vacuum cleaner, thrown out of home and disowned. The only person who understood was my mother. She has been my rock and strength through it all. In school, I had female friends and they were my inspiration to be myself.
Keisha said being transgender was a gender identity or gender expression that differed from the sex they were born with. She opts not to wear feminine clothes, but still enjoys dressing up in colourful clothing and using make-up.
She added that the turning point for her was when her “gay mother figure” and mentor was brutally murdered.
“Farida and I decided it was the last straw and there needed to be a support platform for those who are gay, lesbian or transgender who were being abused, defamed, having their wigs pulled off, clothes ripped off their bodies and raped but turned away at the police station because of the stigma that gay people ‘ask for it’.
“We became the voices for the LGBT community. Section 9 of our Constitution states that everyone is equal before the law and has the right to equal protection and benefit of the law. We fight for those that have been harmed. Too many young children are being raped or commit suicide because they think they will not be accepted.”
Keisha, who oversees the Daniela Simone Keisha (DSK) group, a division of the Gay Fraternity SA, added that the organisation also focused on giving back to the community using funds raised from pageants and events. “We have committed to giving back to the less fortunate and this is not based on a family’s sexuality or gender preference. Our aim is to also open a 24/7 gay awareness and crisis centre.”
Jalal, the chairperson of the Soul Sisters organisation, said that through her pageants and women’s circle group launched earlier this year, she strove to educate and empower women from all walks of life.
“There are members of the LGBT community who have dropped out of high school or never went to university because of being bullied. I want to provide them with basic skills training in make-up or hairstyling, so they can go out, earn a living and become self-sufficient.
“Another issue we are working on, is free sex-change surgeries in government hospitals for those who cannot afford it. We are proud to have MF leader Shameen Thakur-Rajbansi on board. They are the only political party that supports us.
“She has escalated the matter to Parliament and we are now awaiting feedback. All we want as the LGBT community is to lead normal lives as we do not interfere or harm anyone, and expect the same.”
Keisha said the organisation would host its Gay Oscarettes and Miss Gay Oscarettes pageant later this year.
“We will honour those who are gay for their contribution in the upliftment of the LGBT community. We want to break stereotypes and for society to know we are also trying to make a difference in our country.”