Moms, you are a woman first!
A MOTHER was recently told that she does not “dress like a mother”.
As a mother of three, who has read many a book on motherhood and child care over the past 19 years, not once did I stumble across the dress code for moms.
I’ve read suggestions about loose T-shirts and button open tops for breastfeeding mothers. But it was my understanding that these suggestions were merely for moms to feel more comfortable during these stressful times.
What exactly is the dress code for mothers? Is the dress code the same for first-time mothers and experienced mothers? Does the code change with the number of children one has or the older the children grow? This dress code we speak of… does it go like this?
Mothers should wear loosefitting clothes – un-ironed is good, pattern on pattern is even better, different patterns with oil, Brasso and curry stains are the best and no figure hugging clothes allowed!
And who said you were even allowed a figure? Hair should be well oiled and grabbed into a ponytail.
The oil is to prevent it from getting tangled because you never know when you’ll have time to comb it again. Greys, we welcome you! Acrylic and gel nails are a definite no-no!
These are nothing but a waste of money, especially with all the household chores you have to do – it won’t last.
Shoes should be very comfortable. Don’t even think about glitzy high-heeled sandals. Bedroom shoes win first prize. Your heels and hands should be extensively cracked and elbows dry and blackened.
What about make-up, you ask? Girl, you have no business wasting money on such items, let alone wasting time on applying make-up. Money is for the children and the upkeep of the home.
Are we still living in the era of our great-grandmothers? When a mother’s needs did not exist?
I was a victim of this sentiment too. My daughter complained to her aunt that I did not want to buy her a R400 pair of shoes but could buy expensive clothes for myself. The aunt immediately exclaimed “you are a very selfish mother” without even considering there may be a good reason for my decision – like my daughter will outgrow the shoes after a few uses, but I could wear my clothes for years.
On another occasion, a woman was talking about all the bargains she got at the end-of-season sales and when I asked about the adult clothes, she remarked: “I don’t even look at the adult section. I don’t worry about myself as long as my children have what they need. They come first.”
Is it still the perception that a good mother is a mother who looks run-down? When you love someone or something you take very good care of them or it.
Why then are women scolded for taking care of themselves? Should a woman not love herself ? And if she
loves herself, is she not allowed to take the same or even better care of herself?
A woman was a woman (number 1) before she became a wife (number 2) and a mother (number 3), so her first priority should always be number 1, no?
If a woman takes care of herself, would she not be in a better physical, mental, spiritual and emotional space to take care of the ones she loves?
When a woman dresses up, she feels more confident. A confident woman is a force to be reckoned with. A confident woman is better equipped to care of and protect her family. A confident woman can achieve anything she sets her sights on.
Is this why some women feel the need to tear down a confident woman’s dress? Or do you think a woman whose dressing is trendy, glamorous or even sexy is a threat to you? Perhaps her intentions are to entice all the men in the office or even other women’s men?
Newsflash: Women can and do dress up for themselves! You drape the windows in the home you love with the best curtains, so why shouldn’t women be encouraged to drape their beautiful, child-bearing temples with the finest cloth that their money can buy?
Mothers, both career mothers and housewives, have their plates full when it comes to taking care of their families; is it really necessary to begrudge them the simple pleasure of looking their best?
While the whole world is trying to empower women, are we women still pulling down our sisters?
Why is it so difficult for women to see another woman shine while she juggles motherhood, wife duties, careers, religious commitments, extended families and friends?
When the sun shines too brightly, one is advised to wear sunglasses, so, girl, instead of attempting to cast a shadow when a sister’s glow is too bright for your eyes, put on some shades!
Princess Diana was a glamorous, elegant mother of two. Today, there are so many mothers in our everyday lives who take such good care of themselves that they can easily be mistaken for celebrities.
Whether you choose to be a glamorous mother or a simple mother, always remember you are a woman first and you have earned the right to take care of number 1.
■ Karnagie Govender is the founder of The Big 5 Guru and is a writer of ISO management systems.