Living together with love…
It’s no secret that some mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law bump heads, as was the case from ‘soon-to-be-broken-hearted-mom’, whose open letter to all mothers-in-law was published in POST this month. Since time immemorial, the relationship has been caust
N HER home in Verulam, a 42-year-old woman told POST about her experience:
“When my husband first took me home to meet his parents, I was excited. I was about to meet my second parents. But his mom looked at him and asked if I was the girl he wanted to marry because I was darker than him.
“We lived together for 13 years and she treated all her daughters-in-law the same, but I got the worst of it because we lived under the same roof.
“She would make me go on my knees and wipe the floor. She didn’t allow me to use mops or brooms. If I swept, I had to use the short broom. My husband wouldn’t want to get involved,” she said.
The woman said one of the worst times was when she had to mop and sweep days after she had given birth.
“My mother-in-law is a lovely person, but she is easily influenced by others. If I said anything, they would go to her and egg her on to come after me.
“She would pick on me. I don’t know how I took it for so many years. If there was an argument, she wouldn’t let anyone speak to me. I was sometimes isolated,” she said.
The mom-of-three said her problems came to an end once her mother-in-law decided to move out.
“Our relationship has been broken. We don’t speak and I just greet her when I see her. I have learnt from mistakes and I won’t let her treat me like that any more,” she said.
Home
Meanwhile, a middle-aged mother-in-law sat in her Overport home and recounted some of the trials she was put through:
“My son’s wife and I got on great at first, but not any more. She is living with us for about eight years now, but I noticed as time went by she wasn’t really around.
“She would always try to be out of the house and when she and my son would fight, she would make comments like, ‘I wish your mother taught you to respect women’, and ‘I am so much more comfortable with my own family’,” she said.
The woman, in her early 50s, told POST she also found it difficult to speak to her grandchild, thanks to her daughter-in-law.
“And if I had to try to teach the child something, she would say out loud, ‘We didn’t ask for your opinion’.”
Friends
In Merebank, Bhimla Sookdhaw and her daughter-in-law, Aruna, have been friends first and in-laws second. The pair, who have lived together for close to 25 years, said their secret was understanding and not holding grudges.
“Mummy and I have always been fine. If mummy doesn’t like something or if I don’t like something, we tell each other and it’s immediately forgotten,” said Aruna.
Bhimla added that they understood each other and respected each other’s opinions. She said all women should treat their daughters-in-law as their own daughters.
At this, Aruna chipped in, saying her in-laws had played the part of mother and father to her.
“My parents are late now, so I always look to mom and dad, and they are my parents as well. I always say, treat people the way you want to be treated.
“Younger girls see how well I treat them, and I hope they will learn to treat their in-laws as I treat mine,” she said.
Loving
Another mother-in-law and her two daughters-in-law described their relationship as loving.
Sobuigam Muniyen, 82, has been living blissfully with her daughters-in-law, Dollin, 53, for 32 years, and Cathy, 39, for 20 years.
She told POST they had been living together since her sons got married.
“I love my daughters-in-law and I take them as my daughters. My mother-in-law treated me well and I learnt from her. I don’t get involved when my sons and daughters have an issue. They are adults. They can work on their problems together,” she said.
Dollin said she treated her inlaws as her own parents.
“If we treat them right, we get blessings.”
Cathy added that once a couple married, their in-laws instantly became their own parents.
“We treat them as our own and they treat us as theirs.
“There is nothing, but love in this house.
“We don’t need money to be happy, we don’t need to mind each other’s business, as long as we have each other we are fine.”