Nightmare for couple ‘escaping’ mentally ill adopted son

Elderly parents desperate to end legal responsibility

WHEN they adopted their son Amos in 1987, a souther n Cape couple say they wish they had known the young boy was mentally ill.

Now in their 60s, the elderly pair have spoken of their continued struggle and desperation to end their legal responsibilities for their 30-year-old.

“I wish we could have been the family to save him from this condition but we aren’t. We’ve lost so much and would like this to end soon,” said June and Abel from a small coastal town along the Garden Route

June, this week, expressed dismay after reading about a similar case, which Saturday Star reported on last week, which involved abuse, violence and turmoil.

“When I read this article the hairs on my arms stood up. It’s as if you were talking about us. I can’t believe there are people like us. We’ve had to deal with this for a long time,” she said in response to last week’s story about a broken adoption involving a Krugersdorp family.

The woman said the birth of her first son was a miracle after she and her husband had tried to conceive for eight years.

When doctors told them they would have no more children, they decided to adopt.

“We thought this was an opportunity to give another human being a chance at love and to provide shelter for them. We didn’t know what the consequences would be. I’ve learnt that when God says one child is enough, you leave it at that.”

June said the family battled with Amos’s “strange and disruptive” behaviour including frequent calls from the nursery and primary schools about bullying, theft and arson.

“He attacked teachers with his fists and smashed classroom windows. When we went from doctor to doctor, we were told that we (the parents) are the problem,” she said.

June said Amos was diagnosed with the genetic condition Fragile X syndrome. Further medical observations showed he was a psychopath.

But the pensioner said she could never forget the day her adoptive son stalked them after they and became obsessive.

“My husband was in the mining industry. We left Amos and our eldest son in a house we occupied and moved elsewhere. I was surprised to receive a call from our son saying his ‘boetie’ had run away to look for us and to see if we were not lying to him about where we were.”

Amos, June said, had walked from one province to another in search of them.

Police later found him in Ventersdorp and detained him.

He was placed in a psychiatric hospital and has been there for the past 20 years.

“He still calls us to ask if he can’t come back home. He tells us that he misses us. He and his brother still talk. But my husband will have none of that.

“All he has ever wanted to do is to leave him there for good. He no longer considers him as his son.”

The couple consulted lawyers but were told they could do nothing about Amos as he was mentally incapable of making decisions as an adult.

June said although Amos has been certified as partially competent to return to a family setting, she still feels guilty about the stance they took not to have him back.

“I feel bad. I feel sorry for him. We’ve lost so many friends and our social life because of him,” she said.

Their efforts to annul the adoption or contest it in court has been exacerbated by their lack of funds.

“As it is, he is still our legally adopted son. However, all we want is for the legal responsibilities to end. He is an adult now and we would like to part ways with him. We are old. What happens when we die?

“Where will our inheritance go? How will it be handled? We need finality and are desperate for help,” June said.