Throw the covers off the real F word
male sexual fears. The top two we have dealt with extensively in previous columns: impotency or the fear of failing to get an erection, and premature ejaculation. It is the fear of these problems that is the biggest cause. The cause can be biological and easily diagnosed by a doctor.
Chris Rock says men are only as faithful as their opportunities. A common fear for men is the fear of losing control. We all have infatuations and fantasies, it is what we do with them that sorts the men from the boys!
Men fear that their urges will make them lose control and that this may lead to the end of their relationship.
Well, guess what, boys, women have these infatuations and fantasies, too, but we are taught that cheating is not an option. If you cheat, regardless of your reasoning, you are insincere and have an irresponsible attitude to your mar- riage. If you feel the urge, put on your responsible pants and just don’t. Go home to your wife.
Some men fear that his partner will become interested in someone else. Well if you treat her badly, she will. If you are a domineering, insecure idiot who believes she is your property, seek help immediately.
Men’s egos are often intimately connected to the size of their penis. I have also written about this particular phenomenon. Go to the blog and read “Does size count?” and, while you’re at it, watch the YouTube clip by The Clitterati on the same subject – follow the links from the Lola Montez website. Just remember that sexual satisfaction is not dependent on size. Only the first 3cm to 5cm of the vagina are sensitive.
Women fear pregnancy and this often interferes with pleasure.
Personally, I am more afraid of a sexually transmitted disease that does not go away!
I believe that women are more insecure about their appearance than men, fear the sounds they make and, worst of all, are afraid of not being able to satisfy their partners.
But here’s the kicker, men and women fear that their partner will have an insatiable sexual demand they cannot meet. If you accept each other as equals and discuss your needs you should be able to put this one to bed.
Are we normal? How do we compare with porn stars, previous partners or the boy or girl next door? We are all different and the same. Talk about it.
As women we particularly fear social disapproval. We are told that if we enjoy sex we are sluts or whores! And, now, if we enjoy sex with our chosen partner, what does that say about us?
What will he think? It’s best you tell her that you do not think any less of her because she chooses to experience pleasure.
Many women have emotional issues and have had traumatic sexual experiences. We fear intimacy, fear pain, fear betrayal, fear being alone, fear not being able to orgasm, and fear letting go. Sometimes I think the real F word is FEAR.
Next week I’ll talk about how to go about overcoming these fears in ways that will make our relationships far more intimate and satisfying.
Remember to visit my blog, e-mail me at: sharon@ lolamontez.co.za