Pregnant pauses aren’t necessary
I ONCE read an article about pregnancy that had me rolling around from laughter and you know what they say, if you can laugh at it, it’s probably true. The line I remember most is that as a man the only thing you need to remember for the next nine months is – you are wrong! Everything will be your fault and God help you if cannot find tomato sauce-flavoured ice cream at 3 in the morning.
I don’t remember being unreasonable during my pregnancy but what I do remember is being afraid that somehow sex was going to damage me or the baby.
I remember my partner being as concerned and for a while the two of us being too afraid to be fully intimate. If only I knew then what I know now. So it’s time to speak about sex and pregnancy.
First the disclaimer, this advice is for those who are having a pregnancy with no complications.
If you have experienced a miscarriage, bleeding or discomfort, talk to your doctor, midwife or gynaecologist.
Just talking about sex is uncomfortable for many couples so when it comes to pregnancy and sex, the wheels come off. Women feel guilty about their sexual desires during pregnancy and men think the penis is poking the poor baby.
The two biggest misconceptions are sex is not safe and that women lose their desire during this period. Both are untrue.
Sexual desire may fluctuate for both of you. Women are very self-conscious about their bodies even on a good day, and even more so when pregnant.
We don’t all look like Demi Moore in her Vanity Fair photo shoot years ago. Some of us feel ugly and fat. I knew a couple whose marriage did not survive the pregnancy because he couldn’t look at her and found her pregnant body repulsive. If you are one of those men, I suggest you get some help immediately.
It is not uncommon for women that their sexual desire increases significantly during pregnancy. This is as a result of increased blood flow to the pelvic area, swelling and increased sensitivity to the breasts.
There is also no need to worry about contraception as that ship has sailed. Enjoy this period of increased desire because once that baby is born, it might be years before you see it again.
The baby is well protected inside the womb and is not harmed by penetration. During the early stages you may not even have to adjust your favourite positions. In late pregnancy you will. I remember after the birth of my son all I wanted to do was just lie on my stomach.
It is important to talk honestly about each other’s needs and feelings. You might find in the last stages of pregnancy, orgasms are longer and harder.
Sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted to your baby so it is imperative that you use condoms. Avoid oral sex if you have any ulcers or sores and never blow air into the vagina.
It can cause an air embolism which is potentially fatal for both the mother and baby.
Consider sexual comfort. Her breasts become ultra-sensitive and may be too painful to touch, so no nipple-tweaking. You may also require additional lubrication. A non-flavoured water-based lubricant is preferable. Try Eva Water Based or Pjur.
As the pregnancy progresses, it will be necessary to adjust positions. You may need to experiment and communicate with each other about what feels best.
If you play with sex toys, there is no reason to stop during pregnancy. Just ensure that they are ultra-clean.
They should always be, but make doubly sure. You will find foreplay and orgasm more intense during pregnancy.
Know when to say no to sex. Stop if you have any bleeding, had discharge or have pain during intercourse.
Also do not have sex if you are having contractions or if your water has broken.
During pregnancy there are no wrong times, number of times or way to have sex.
If you are having a difficult pregnancy, don’t have penetrative sex at all. Remember that sexual intimacy during pregnancy is extremely important.
With a bit of lubricant and some hand techniques, you can both have a sexually satisfying intimacy.
There is, however, one thing you do have to remember: if you feel you absolutely have to have the last words during the pregnancy let it be, yes dear!
E-mail: This column was published last year. Sharon Gordon is on leave and will be back next week.