How can I overcome my ugliness?

“I ALWAYS thought I was average looking, but it bothers me when I am laughed at by people who stare at me. I try to do everything right… hygiene, fitness, manners, what am I missing?” – The Ugly Duckling from Pretoria

Dear Ugly Duckling, beauty is a relative value. There is no criteria for what makes one person more beautiful than another. Still, we compare. Research shows that even when something measures as “perfect”, opinions will rate it at only 80%. There is no real measurement for beauty other than interpretation.

Does this unlock a door for more consideration when beauty is so subjective? Does it matter what others think of us, as much as it matters what we think of ourselves? Thoughts are powerful commentators. They over ride any compliments or criticism from people. You will do well to guard them. Because we don’t feel beautiful enough, we compensate with regimented grooming. We invest heavily to manipulate our appearances.

To let your real beauty shine through, care less about what others think and respect yourself for reasons that matter.

What you think is beautiful may be seen as ugly to someone else. If those who seem to laugh at you care to look beyond a person’s appearance, they too might lear n something from you about self-respect. By not responding one allows others to look into the mirrors of their own souls, and we can only hope they like what they see.

Be honest with yourself and it will outweigh any external beauty that disappears with time.

The opinions of people who are incapable don’t count for much.

You asked what you’re missing because it pains you. I am responding with a redirection of your focus: tell me instead about your beautiful qualities? Why are you really putting in the ef fort with hygiene, fitness and manners? Is it a sign you respect the body God gave you? How can you build on that? I decided to get another opinion and asked the advice of one of the current semifinalists for the 2017 Mrs SA Pageant,

Candice Robbertze, and she said:

“It’s easy to take in the external harmony of features (the external appearance) of someone and confuse it with beauty.”

“According to her, real beauty is more like an inner-radiance which takes your breath away. I am sure you might think this does not apply to you, especially calling yourself an ugly duckling. Real beauty is observed in the context of really looking and seeing someone for who they are. Everyone is unique. “You have a story. You only feel ugly because no one is noticing the true you.

“One fine day you will look at someone you that you love, see their beauty, and understand what I am trying to tell you. It really doesn’t matter what you look like. You already are beautiful when you are true to who you are.

“You have a unique story. Let it reveal what you stand for and believe in you.”

Adelé Green is a transformation specialist coach and international author of Can You See Me Naked: grow in a conscious relationship. She also hosts a book study group online.

Post your burning question on www.adelegreen.com/askadele/ Listen to #360Brunch at noon every Sunday on Mix93.8FM.