An orgasm a day helps keep depression at bay

out of me. I truly fear having to live off cat food in a cardboard box when I approach retirement.

I keep a gratitude journal in an attempt to keep the spirits up and I have so much to be grateful for but some days, breathing is all that comes to mind. Oh, and hot water out of a tap.

So why talk about it in a column about sex and relationships? Because suffering from depression has a profound effect on both.

If we allow depression to win it will destroy your relationships, physical and emotional. That is why orgasm is so important.

Think about it… What do you think about while you are in an orgasmic state? I’m not talking about the before or after part. I’m talking about the throws of that contractive orgasm. We think about nothing.

Money, pain, betrayal, sadness, self loathing and all the other negative emotions disappear for a short while and all you feel is your body experiencing pleasure. It is the very definition of living in the moment. It is physically and mentally impossible to orgasm and think at the same time.

The problem is when you are depressed, sex is very often the very last thing you feel like. The effort required to “get in the mood” is just too difficult to even contemplate. It doesn’t matter what your partner says or does, nothing really seems to work.

If you are both depressed, your relationship may be in real trouble. It’s time to take action.

And now we come to that word that we all know, can all say and have no idea how to do.

Communicate. You have to tell your partner what is going on and hopefully they will hear you.

Many partners are so uncomfortable with t he discussion that they act in bizarre ways.

I don’t want you to fix anything (although I do have a chores list that fills an A4 notebook), but I do want you to just listen.

Just a heads up, if your partner is telling you they are depressed and need some help, offering oral sex is not the required response.

Maybe later but not just then. Other inappropriate response are: “What have you got to be depressed about?” or “Oh, snap out of it.” If I could snap out of it I would.

My partner recently told me that it was time for the pity party to be over. And he’s right. I am so tired of being tired.

I need a new challenge and despite hours on Pinterest researching possible hobbies, researching what’s on and chatting to more exciting people than me I’ve come up with zilch.

So I’ve gone back to my bookshelves and found a book that I bought many moons ago. It cost me R40 to give you some idea of how long ago that was. Its title is The Complete Idiots Guide to Being a Sex Goddess.

I’m having a good giggle as I page through it.

There is a section on how to initiate sex. I wanted to skip past it because, really, “who cares?”

Well I should, and I’m going to because come hell or high water I want my relationship to last and my depression to lift. If I can have an orgasm or two a day, that’s a couple of minutes I don’t have to feel depressed.

I’m going to give having sex an opportunity as part of the journey before I take myself off to the doctor for medication. I might even try yoga. Wishing you all love and light and orgasms.

If you would like to share or have any questions, e-mail sharon@lolamontez.co.za