It’s vital to change mindsets by stripping down taboos around sex
There are many sex educators trying to make a difference in the world. We are all trying to educate
the general public that sex is a perfectly normal and healthy part of humanity. We have kept sex and sexuality in the dark closet for so long that it has been able to breed, get bigger, darker and more terrifying with each passing year.
One of the news channels did a documentary on the sex industry in Lebanon. Prostitution is illegal, but a booming business especially with all the Syrian refugees who are being sold into human trafficking and prostitution. Naturally, the most affected are women who are having sex with men up to 15 times a day. They see very little of the proceeds of their labour with their pimps taking the lion’s share.
The journalist accompanies the police on a bust to catch the “pimps”. The bust is successful, but the women are also captured and taken to the police station and I had to wonder why, when the sting was to catch “pimps”. I have no doubt that those women had to pay in one way or the other to be released and not charged.
If sex wasn’t such a big deal or not seen as sinful, I wonder whether it would still be such a big industry. We keep it hidden and vilified, and so nothing changes. Sex educators continue to have their work cut out. I salute anyone who embarks on sex education as a career. They will be avoided and disparaged, so when I get an opportunity to support a fellow educator, I take the opportunity.
One such person is Timothy Kieswetter, who, besides being a sexologist, is also an author and now actor. If you haven’t seen his one-man show called Die Stripshow, make sure you do. My partner and I saw it at Carnival City this past weekend, and I laughed so much that my tummy ached.
The show has nothing to do with strip tease, and has everything to do with stripping sex taboos down to their bare bones. On the stage is a man, a bed and a creaky door.
The man, Timothy, is a father of five daughters, so you know he has to be tough and he has to have a sense of humour simply to survive. He used to be a pastor, and every now and then you can hear the voice he must have used in his sermons. He remains a deeply spiritual individual who is challenging and questioning. It takes a very brave man to pull the Bible out from behind the “taboo door” and deal with religion and sex. This is the very first taboo he deals with. Sex is not a sin. He challenges us all, including the women in the audience, to find their sensual and sexual nature as glorified in Songs of Solomon also known as The Song of Songs.
I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for him to address masturbation, and he did! Masturbation is always a very big deal in religious circles, and Timothy comes out in favour of self-pleasure. He shares being caught masturbating as a teenager and the potential for psychological damage it could have caused. Luckily for us, he overcame it and now shares the lessons.
Timothy believes that if he wasn’t meant to touch his genitals, he would have been given shorter arms. His impression of being a T-Rex is hysterical. He has a hashtag – #TossVoorNaai. For those of you who don’t understand Afrikaans, it translates to #MasturbateBeforeSex and I couldn’t agree more.
If you understand and respect your own body first, then when it comes to having sex with your partner, things will be much easier.
When he stepped out from behind the taboo door with a strap-on strapped to his body, I was so excited because the use of sex toys is a very big deal in my business. His support of the use of toys is liberating for many couples. He addresses the most used excuse for not using toys – “I must only use what I was given”.
He invites the audience who believe that rubbish to please leave their mobile phone and car keys at the door because they certainly weren’t supplied with those at birth either. It seems hypocritical to allow technology into certain areas of your life but nowhere close to your genitals. I wanted to stand up and give him a standing ovation.
When it comes to sex, there are so many taboos that he is never going to run out of material. My only criticism is that the entire show is in Afrikaans, so if you don’t understand the language, you will be lost. It is a pity because his message is so powerful that everyone should see the show.
Timothy has also written a number of books ranging from lessons in sex learnt from the men in the Bible, to 52 weeks of sex exercises to improve your sex life. Take a look at his website www.gesondeseks. co.za, and if you get an opportunity, see the show.
For more infor mation or comments, you can email me: sharon@lolamontez.co.za