Nobody can tell you what is right thing to do

AS WOMEN in the Middle East are given the keys to drive on their own, women also question roles they play in society and in relationships.

This week’s question comes from Sandra in Lenasia: “If a duty-bound relationship is hurting… will turning away from those people be wrong?”

What we consider as right or wrong is based on our values and what is accepted by society. As more people want their needs met, society seems prepared to question the validity of old ideas, or are they?

If your mother cuts off the edge of her roast, and you do it in your home as well in the name of tradition, there might come a time when you ask “why?” On that brave day when you ask, she might surprise you with her answer.

We learn by copying without understanding, but we seldom ask why this was done in the first place.

Society infor ms us of what is acceptable through its leadership and pier pressure.

To challenge the status quo, you will need to understand the origin of the first time a need was met.

Now “the right thing” to do can be compared to the relevance and practicality of the original reason this was done and found to be acceptable.

When something hurts our feelings we are encouraged to bring change. Our level of tolerance is temporary until we find harmony again.

The change we make must meet one of our important values in order to justify making it. That is why you are asking what the right thing to do is. For you, this is a very important value.

Nobody can tell you what the right thing to do is, Sandra.

We all have different value sets based on our culture and societies.

But, perhaps I can guide you to find your own solutions to highlight more important values.

At a deep level, relationships are a mirror for your soul and it speaks the language of feelings.

Your feelings tell you more about who you really are than what you may imagine.

In this mirror you are shown parts of yourself that you are currently unaware of through feelings of rejection or love.

Every time you learn to accept these reflections of yourself, you develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Instead of just making your pain about your partner, explore your feelings as a way to understand what your soul is trying to tell you, through your, before you act.

There are books you can read like Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship that will show you how to do this.

Feelings are precursors to behaviour. First acknowledge that there are feelings inside you. Be brave to discuss them with your partner without blaming him.

If he is open to hear how you feel, another door might open up for you that you have not yet thought of. If he is not respectful, look elsewhere for support to act.

The men who are strong enough inside themselves, also trust and respect themselves enough to support such a process.

Your inner peace will come from what you are prepared to accept about yourself though your reflection in your partner.

If you wait for permission from society to act, you might have to wait for a very long time until the changes you need are acceptable.

Right and wrong is relevant. If you are not using your religion as a guide you can go with what Henry Ford said: “If you think you are right, you are. And, if you think you are wrong, you probably are.”

Inner clarity comes from being peaceful at heart. Even values can be challenged as Nelson Mandela has shown us, but it comes with a price.

Adelé Green provides answers here when posted on www. a del e - g re e n. c o m/ a s kadele/ or confidential, fee-forservice, individual coaching via Skype to men and women. She is a transformation specialist coach and author of Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship. Also listen to #360Brunch on mix93.fm on Sundays.