Winter chill brings a fresh appreciation
GOT THE T-shirt and all dressed up with nowhere to go?
Sometimes winter brings with it the drab feeling of feeling sorry for ourselves. We withdraw and wish we were living another life.
Winter is a time for reflection and for letting go.
This week’s question comes from Mercy in Edenvale: “I am so bored in my relationship. I need something exciting to happen to me. We don’t go on dates anymore. Is there something I can do to get my mojo back?”
Different things excite different people. Some women cut their hair in a makeover attempt. There are tell-tale signs that indicate it is time for a change. The sad part is that we expect something from outside to stimulate us. When nothing happens we look towards our relationship for inspiration.
If you just go one step further and look inside yourself, beyond your relationship, you might discover the gift of winter. When we look for ourselves and find nothing but emptiness we shout about our mojo in desperation. What are we looking for? Why is there always an expectation that we must smile for the world?
There is something to be said about repetition and boredom. Creative people struggle with writer’s block or finding inspiration. When that happens they shift their perspective as if to look inside the diamond from a different angle.
The reality is that nothing is wrong or right with our lives, we are just not into it. The society that we live in creates a culture of expecting instant gratification. Momentarily, we forget about mastery.
Relationships are all about mastery and doing the same thing until we become good at it.
Consider some benefits of repeating the same thing over and over: we do not fail until we give up.
In repeating something there are many lessons. We notice more than what we would have if we had moved on too quickly.
The relating gets deeper and reveals truths about us, our boundaries and capacity to be with someone.
We can shift from responses like boredom, annoyance, irritation and mental meandering to the desire to create fun and reach for profound insights, or go right back to experiencing boredom.
More importantly, we actually experience something new which might have seemed impossible before; we experience the lowering of our standards. Where did all those previous expectations go of how we were supposed to be in a relationship?
This might seem insignificant, but it is not. By letting go of our preconceived ideas in relationships, we are gaining a valuable key to happiness ever after.
We give ourselves a chance for real happiness by giving up the goals of our perceived idea of what happiness is supposed to look like. We accept what is. We appreciate and we live more in the moment.
We start to notice something that we could have missed if we were not in a “bored” state of mind. In the absence of expectation, we are free to be whatever a moment demands of us and we look at our world and relationships with an open heart.
What is the answer to your question? Ask me here.
■ www.adele-green. com/askadele/ Adelé Green is the author of “Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious Relationship” and supports transformation for women during difficult times with her coaching, writing and podcasts.