Finding your G-spot can be a nice game and if you don’t, so what?

Never before has one little spot caused so much angst and dilemma for us girls. I would have loved to have been there when a German gynaecologist, Dr Ernest Gräfenberg discovered this spot in the 1950s.

This spot in the female body has been named after him – hence the G-spot.

Most women – about 80% of us – orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Yes penetration is wonderful – it makes him feel wanted as you gasp and say, “Hello, Big Boy”, but really it is the clitoris that needs more attention. Only 20% of us can orgasm from penetration alone. So boys it doesn’t really matter how hard you push, you have to get a bit of additional motion going.

Freud believed that if women were unable to have an orgasm from penetrative sex, we did not fulfil or grow out of some stage during our childhood.

He also thought we all suffered from penis envy and maybe some of us do (I would love to be able to relieve myself, behind a bush, standing up). I meet so many couples in desperate search of the G-spot orgasm that I wonder if they’ll ever have great sex again. Personally, I’ll have my orgasm any way I can get it, thank you very much.

Which brings us back to the G-spot. I read an article recently which says that about 6% of women do not have one at all. If you are one of those – stop looking and seek pleasure elsewhere. For those of you who still want to search for it, here are some tips.

The G-spot is situated in the vagina on the same side as your belly button. It starts at approximately the same height as the top of your pubic bone. Remember that we are all different. It is also difficult to find if you are not aroused.

During arousal, the texture of the G-spot changes from that normal lovely velvet feel, it lifts slightly and starts to feel like corduroy. I am not sure I can feel the difference between the two, but I think I can.

The surest sign that you are close is when you touch the G-spot you feel as if you want to pee.

Don’t, just breathe through it and know that you have found it.

Keep in mind that your G-spot may be closer to the vagina opening or cervix, you have to feel around.

When you get that pee feeling – massage around and on the spot. You may be a soft touch or a rough rider, only you will know.

With a rhythm going, you may be able to orgasm without touching another part of your body. If you are able to do that, you have had a G-spot stimulated orgasm. I don’t and that’s okay with me.

I know two women who are from the 20% who can orgasm from penetration. One says a G-spot stimulated orgasm is wonderful. I asked her to compare it to a clitoris-stimulated orgasm and she said it was different, not better. Another friend says that it is much better and she prefers it. My other eight friends can’t comment.

If you and your partner are in search of the G-spot, it is quite a nice game to play – the naming of parts! Lie on your tummy with that gorgeous tush slightly raised. Let him insert your favourite G-spot toy into the vagina and slowly aim towards the belly button. He could use his hand – the fore and middle finger work best. When you find the spot or if you are battling and he is not asking for directions, get him to make the come-hither motion with his fingers.

It makes finding it easier and the stimulation more intense. Do not let him use his penis – he will get distracted and lost.

When you are completely satisfied that it is found, stimulated and climaxed or not – then and only then can his penis come to play.

Which toys to use? You can use your hand – make sure it is clean, no hang or dirty nails. I prefer the feel of a toy. There are several on the market. Any toy that has a curved tip is usually G-spot material. Lubricant is the most underrated toy of all. I have favourites for different occasions. A good water-based lube is always handy.

Finding the G-spot makes for a great game, but please don’t take it too seriously. Sex is meant to be fun, not anxious. Your body is different to anyone else. Do what you enjoy, not what some popular magazine says you should be doing. Life is far too short for inadequate sex.

I’m not the greatest fan of the G-spot, but I’ll happily play along. I hope you now know where to find it, what to do with it when you do andnot to care if you don’t! Would love to hear your thoughts. –

sharon@lolamontez.co.za