Play it again, SA­MAN­THA

Five film-mak­ers share which gen­der swops they want to see next, writes Jane Bor­den

Saturday Star - - FILM -

A clas­sic scene rewrit­ten: In­stead of John (Jack Lem­mon) shout­ing “mo­ron!” and Max (Wal­ter Matthau) re­spond­ing “putz!” it would be Mir­ren yelling “slut!” and Dench re­spond­ing with some­thing un­print­able. “And then an ar­gu­ment about slut-sham­ing: ‘It wasn’t good then and it isn’t good now, and you can’t slut­shame some­one who hasn’t had sex in 20 years’.” Orig­i­nal plot: In a spin on Romeo and Juliet, a New York City gang mem­ber falls in love with a ri­val gang mem­ber’s sis­ter. (Steven Spiel­berg and Tony Kush­ner are cast­ing for their re­make.) New cast: If it’s Maria and Toni: Samira Wi­ley and Janelle Monáe. If it’s Mario and Tony: Oh, boy, there’s a whole list of peo­ple I’d like to see make out in movies.” The gen­der-swop’s ef­fect: “A lot of peo­ple think gay his­tory be­gins in the ’70s, but gay peo­ple have al­ways been there, liv­ing com­pli­cated and se­cret, com­par­ta­men­talised lives. Wouldn’t it up the ten­sion if the love is for­bid­den?” Clas­sic scene re­vis­ited: “When they meet in the street and he walks away singing Maria: Whether it’s a guy fall­ing in love with an­other guy, or a girl fall­ing in love with an­other girl, the minute it’s de­clared, there’s an air of dan­ger to it. Back then, when you caught feel­ings for some­body, you had to think about how to hide them.” New cast: An­gela Bas­sett, Vi­ola Davis, Tracee El­lis Ross, Lupita Ny­ong’o and Rashida Jones (as Tommy). The gen­der-swop’s ef­fect: It would be a de­pic­tion of black women who have power but are un­fet­tered by so­cial mores. Clas­sic scenes re­vis­ited: “The heart-wrench­ing scene when Henry (Ray Liotta) re­alises that his wife, beau­ti­fully played by Lorraine Bracco, flushed the dope: I want to see An­gela Bas­sett yelling at her hus­band, pos­si­bly played by her real-life hus­band, Court­ney B Vance. And that ex­change when Tommy (Joe Pesci) asks: ‘What do you mean, I’m funny?’ I love the idea of Rashida do­ing that line.” Re­make pitch: The Sis­ter­hood of the Trav­el­ing Pants (2005), reti­tled Broth­er­hood of the Trav­el­ing Pants or Boy Squad. Orig­i­nal plot: When four best friends (Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, Am­ber Tam­blyn and Amer­ica Fer­rera) find a pair of pants that fits all of them, they deem it magic and mail it to one an­other dur­ing the first sum­mer they spend apart. New cast: Timethée Cha­la­met, RJ Cyler, Lu­cas Hedges, Tony Revolori. The gen­der-swop’s ef­fect: “It would be lovely to see a movie about teen boys who aren’t afraid of be­ing sen­si­tive, kind and thought­ful.” Clas­sic scenes re­vis­ited: “The scene where they all try on the pants and re­alise they all look good in them. To see boys be ex­cited about a pair of pants fit­ting them all, would be an ex­u­ber­ant, ex­cit­ing scene. And com­pli­ment­ing each other on how they look – for them to be so un­con­cerned with wor­ry­ing about whether it made them feel gay or some­thing.” The gen­der-swop’s ef­fect: “If you see a man elec­tro­cute his gen­i­talia on pur­pose, peo­ple are like: ‘This is hi­lar­i­ous.’ If a woman did the same thing, peo­ple would be like: ‘That is a psy­chotic whore who is self-harm­ing and has psy­cho­log­i­cal is­sues.’ Women’s bod­ies are re­garded as se­ri­ous and com­mu­nity prop­erty. I want peo­ple to re­alise they have dou­ble-stan­dards.

The funny fat guy is a sta­ple, whereas if a big­ger woman does com­edy it turns into this con­tro­ver­sial thing where she gets death threats on Twit­ter.”

“I’m a huge fan of Jack­ass: The Movie. I would love to see women also have op­por­tu­ni­ties to be clowns. I don’t see it hap­pen­ing very often.” New cast: Stunt­women. “Or me. I’ve had stupid tat­toos and I guess I’m not that far from put­ting a fish hook through my lip.” Clas­sic scenes re­vis­ited: “A woman run­ning into a ring full of bulls and al­most get­ting gored. Peo­ple would be gasp­ing in hor­ror. When Johnny Knoxville dresses up as the old man and messes with peo­ple. That would give me great joy, to as­sume the char­ac­ter of a very old woman, get in peo­ple’s faces, and ter­rify them. It might be eas­ier to do as a woman.” – Wash­ing­ton Post

NO-GO:THE all-fe­male cast in the Ghost­buster re­boot.

POWER: Good­fel­las would be re­vis­ited as Goodqueens

RI­VALRY: Grumpy Old Men could change to Grumpy Old Women

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