Play it again, SAMANTHA
Five film-makers share which gender swops they want to see next, writes Jane Borden
A classic scene rewritten: Instead of John (Jack Lemmon) shouting “moron!” and Max (Walter Matthau) responding “putz!” it would be Mirren yelling “slut!” and Dench responding with something unprintable. “And then an argument about slut-shaming: ‘It wasn’t good then and it isn’t good now, and you can’t slutshame someone who hasn’t had sex in 20 years’.” Original plot: In a spin on Romeo and Juliet, a New York City gang member falls in love with a rival gang member’s sister. (Steven Spielberg and Tony Kushner are casting for their remake.) New cast: If it’s Maria and Toni: Samira Wiley and Janelle Monáe. If it’s Mario and Tony: Oh, boy, there’s a whole list of people I’d like to see make out in movies.” The gender-swop’s effect: “A lot of people think gay history begins in the ’70s, but gay people have always been there, living complicated and secret, compartamentalised lives. Wouldn’t it up the tension if the love is forbidden?” Classic scene revisited: “When they meet in the street and he walks away singing Maria: Whether it’s a guy falling in love with another guy, or a girl falling in love with another girl, the minute it’s declared, there’s an air of danger to it. Back then, when you caught feelings for somebody, you had to think about how to hide them.” New cast: Angela Bassett, Viola Davis, Tracee Ellis Ross, Lupita Nyong’o and Rashida Jones (as Tommy). The gender-swop’s effect: It would be a depiction of black women who have power but are unfettered by social mores. Classic scenes revisited: “The heart-wrenching scene when Henry (Ray Liotta) realises that his wife, beautifully played by Lorraine Bracco, flushed the dope: I want to see Angela Bassett yelling at her husband, possibly played by her real-life husband, Courtney B Vance. And that exchange when Tommy (Joe Pesci) asks: ‘What do you mean, I’m funny?’ I love the idea of Rashida doing that line.” Remake pitch: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005), retitled Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants or Boy Squad. Original plot: When four best friends (Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, Amber Tamblyn and America Ferrera) find a pair of pants that fits all of them, they deem it magic and mail it to one another during the first summer they spend apart. New cast: Timethée Chalamet, RJ Cyler, Lucas Hedges, Tony Revolori. The gender-swop’s effect: “It would be lovely to see a movie about teen boys who aren’t afraid of being sensitive, kind and thoughtful.” Classic scenes revisited: “The scene where they all try on the pants and realise they all look good in them. To see boys be excited about a pair of pants fitting them all, would be an exuberant, exciting scene. And complimenting each other on how they look – for them to be so unconcerned with worrying about whether it made them feel gay or something.” The gender-swop’s effect: “If you see a man electrocute his genitalia on purpose, people are like: ‘This is hilarious.’ If a woman did the same thing, people would be like: ‘That is a psychotic whore who is self-harming and has psychological issues.’ Women’s bodies are regarded as serious and community property. I want people to realise they have double-standards.
The funny fat guy is a staple, whereas if a bigger woman does comedy it turns into this controversial thing where she gets death threats on Twitter.”
“I’m a huge fan of Jackass: The Movie. I would love to see women also have opportunities to be clowns. I don’t see it happening very often.” New cast: Stuntwomen. “Or me. I’ve had stupid tattoos and I guess I’m not that far from putting a fish hook through my lip.” Classic scenes revisited: “A woman running into a ring full of bulls and almost getting gored. People would be gasping in horror. When Johnny Knoxville dresses up as the old man and messes with people. That would give me great joy, to assume the character of a very old woman, get in people’s faces, and terrify them. It might be easier to do as a woman.” – Washington Post