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ROGER DA COSTA (PART 2)
Roger, you’re back and we couldn’t be happier! So, last week you told us a bit about the guys who had a few screws loose at Moroka Swallows during your time there. Now let’s get to the actual funny stories…
There’s two that come to mind. The first I’ll give names, the second one I won’t. The first one involves Larry (Cohen) and I, and we were playing Bloemfontein Celtic away, so it was a four-hour bus drive. The day before we used to travel, me and Larry would check each other to see what prank we would come up with today, you know. So, he said… he came up with a theme, it was ‘snakes on the bus’. I said, “Okay, what’s up?” So, him and I met up at the garage. We used to camp at Birchwood Hotel and there was a petrol station near there. So, we parked the one car there and we went to… s**t, I don’t know what shop it was. It was a Pick n Pay or something like that where they sell toys, and we went and bought a remote-controlled snake. It was like this little rubber snake with wheels at the bottom. So we took this to the bus now. Actually, (Siyabonga) Nomvethe was the first one we did it to. I went to sit behind Nomvethe, who used to sit near the front there in the bus. I put the snake down underneath (the seat). We bought batteries and all that, obviously. Larry had the remote control. “Bhele” was on the phone, I think to his wife maybe… he was on the phone with someone. I tapped him on the shoulder and I kinda whispered, “Bhele, just look under your seat, I think I dropped my phone. Will you just pass my phone?” So, as he looks down, Larry hits the remote control and the snake starts slithering forward. My man, I swear to God, I thought that day this is it, we’re gonna lose Bhele! I thought he was gonna have a heart attack. He almost jumped out the window, my man. He even dropped his phone. He was just screaming, and Zeca (Marques) turns around, and everybody is like, “What the hell is going on here?” That’s one of the few times that I remember Bhele not having a smile on his face. He wasn’t happy with us that day.
Ha, ha, ha, no one would have been happy with you after being on the receiving end of such a prank. The second one is… We went to China one off-season with the team, it was just after we had finished second in the league. Gordon (Igesund) was the coach. We went to Shanghai to play against Shanghai Shenhua and some other Chinese team. So, it was a nice thing and all that. We played two matches and after the second match, then it was officially off-season, the season was done for us. We then went shopping and all that during the day, and me being me, always looking out for a party somewhere… We go to a place called People’s Square where there’s a whole bunch of stores, theres like a Nike store, a Apple store you know, and theres this one guy, small Chinese guy in a tuxedo. He’s giving out, like, business cards, and I start walking up to him and I ask him, “What’s this about? He says, “No, nightclub.” I say, Oh yes, please give us…” So, he gives me this card and I tell him we’re staying at the hotel. He then says, “No, no, no, you call this number, I’ll come fetch you.” He told us his name is Randy. That’s gonna come into play later.
Sure.
I said, “Okay Randy, thank you, my man.” We then go back to the hotel and I say, “Boys, get dressed, we’re going out tonight.” Theres a group of boys… again, I’m not gonna say names, but when they read this, they are gonna laugh because they are gonna know who they are. So, eventually I call the number at about 20h00. He picks up and says, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll come get you.” They arrive. My man, I swear it was like a taxi! Exactly the same like a taxi back home. Anyway, we get in. For about 30 minutes, we were driving, driving and driving. My man, I’m not kidding, we were driving for about 40 minutes, and eventually I asked, “My a full club in there. It’s full of people. Packed. So, we go. We have a good time. He took us into, like, a… You know in China they love karaoke there , so he took us into this room with a big TV and a karaoke machine. So, we sat there. We were there for maybe 10 minutes at this point, man. We had just ordered one beer each. We literally had just got there and had not even finished the beers yet. When we got dropped off, this Randy said, “This is my nightclub. If you need anything, call me.” We said, “Okay, thank you.”
How very kind of dear Randy.
Well, after 10 minutes, some other guy walked in. Hey, my man, this guy… shaved head, he’s got, like, a big scar across his face. Like a real gangster-looking dude, man. And he says to us, “You guys must pay now because we’re moving yo u to a different room.” So, we told him, “No, no, no, it’s fine, we’ll stay here, don’t worry about it.” He insisted, “No, no, no, you’re paying now.” We were like, “S**t, okay!” So, he gives the bill, the bill is like 8 000 yuan, which is like R8 000. And I swear, there’s maybe six beers on the table. I said, “No, my man, I think you mixed the bill up here.” He says, “No, no, no, this is your bill!” Now I’m arguing with this guy, and he then calls two bouncers to come inside. It was two bouncers standing in there with us, and they locked the door. They then said, “Give your (bank) cards now, all of you.” We didn’t have cash on us. We had cash at the hotel, but we were not travelling with 8 grand, you know. So, anyway, these guys, my man, they put us back in the van. Then I say, “No, no, no, call Randy, there’s a problem. He said if there’s a problem, we must speak to him.” This guy with a scar across his face looks at me and says, “Who the f**k is Randy? We don’t know who Randy is.”
Oh no!
At that moment, I said, “Hey, we’re in s**t now, boys. We’re in trouble.” So, anyway, they load us all in the car again to take us back to the hotel to go get money. It had taken 50 minutes to get there from the hotel, but it took us five minutes to get back, ha, ha, ha. From the first whistle, we got hassled, my man. When we got back to the hotel, only one of us could go into the hotel to get the money. So, they kept five of us in there and let one go, and he later came back. My man, they rinsed us 8 grand for six beers, ha, ha, ha. The great Chinese escape. Hey, they hassled us! So, yeah, I’m just gonna be the one to say that was probably my fault, but I’m not gonna mention other names over there, but they know who they are. It’s funny now, but at the time I thought we were gonna die.
Brilliant story. You all were just looking for a good time and it quickly turned very nasty. It’s true what they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. We’re sure after was said and done, some fingers were pointed in your direction.
Brother, I promise you, when we got back in, when we knew we were safe, then I thought my own teammates were gonna kill me. They were saying, “What the hell? It’s your fault!” The things we do for a party, huh. I’m telling you, brother, I’m telling you. But good times. We can laugh about it now.