BEN 10s CONQUER IN BED
IT S MORE THAN JUST SEX WITH OLDER GIRLS, YOUNGER GUYS
IT IS a familiar scenario: a woman in a busy supermarket pushing a trolley of goods – with a youngster on her side. Nowadays, you might have to do a double take because he might be her lover.
The Ben 10 phenomenon – older women dating younger men – is getting more popular in South Africa.
A study conducted by a University of Texas psychologist and published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, says women in their 30s and early 40s are significantly more sexual than younger women. Furthermore, men tend to be at their sexual peak in their late teens and early 20s.
Could this explain why older women go for younger men and why younger men date older women?
And what are some of the challenges of an older woman dating a younger man?
Nomsa Mdluli, 38, admits to dating a “Ben 10”. She describes the relationship as a “roller-coaster ride”.
“Maybe it’s my effervescent personality, but younger men have always been attracted to me. I’ve been with my 25-year-old boyfriend for about two years and I can safely say that I’m happier now than I was when I dated older men who wanted nothing but whiskey on the rocks and to gab about the stock market while I had to sit there, bat my eyelashes and pretend to be interested,” says Mdluli.
“Younger men are easy going and spontaneous – and yes, it is true – these boys are wild in bed. I’m also at an age at which I’m more liberal and unapologetic about my sexuality, so the combination seems to have a ‘ big bang’ effect, ” she says.
But what are some of the shortcomings of dating a Ben 10?
“For me, our intellectual engines don’t run on the same fuel,” Mdluli says.
“It is not the kind of relationship in which you can discuss the passing of Margaret Thatcher. But apart from that, we have amazing moments. We have learned to compromise,” Mdluli says.
“We can go to the theatre one day and we can hit the nightclub the next. So I think the trick is – like in every relationship – communication and compromise,” she adds.
We flipped the script and found out what a Ben 10 had to say about dating older women.
Owen Xulu, 24, says he has a thing for older women.
“They are the ideal partners. They don’t make demands, they are not petty and they don’t call you incessantly.
“The bonus is that they are experienced in the love-making department,” Xulu says.
He says that he is not bothered much by the age and financial gap because it makes him aspire for the finer things in life.
“I see the great and expensive things that she has – the cars, the stunning house – as something I want to acquire for myself too. So in a way, she is my mentor,” Xulu says.
Elna McIntosh, a Johannesburg-based sexologist, says that there is a misconception that the appeal of Ben 10s is only about sex.
“The truth is, women in their late 30s and early 40s are very busy. They have been there and have done that. Most of them are at the peak of their careers and they travel a lot, which can get lonely,” she says.
“This makes them more open to dating outside their class, race and age group. They mostly look for companionship, but with the ease of convenience.”
McIntosh says that all women in their 30s and 40s want is dinner and conversation, but they do not have the time to be nursing the emotions of a relationship.
“Yes, the sex might be great, but the main appeal to older women having a younger partner is convenience. Ben 10s are an easy option. ” she says.
McIntosh says that the appeal for Ben 10s is obviously the perks.
“Who wouldn’t want to be wined and dined? Also, older women aren’t needy, so they won’t pester the guys. So, Ben 10s love the convenience too,” McIntosh says.