SOME HIDDEN AGENDAS POP UP IN PARLIAMENT
STICKY FINGERS IN PIES
Vera was a fly on the wall in parliament the other day when she overhead Number One, the principal of Nkandla, responding to a demand by an EFF parliamentarian to stop pointing fingers.
He retorted: “Madam speaker, I withdraw my fingers.” It was not immediately clear whether this was a promise to withdraw his fingers from the cookie jar of the state or whether he had been hallucinating about having his fingers in someone else ’ s father ’ s kraal.
Since there was no point of order on the withdrawal of fingers, Vera assumes Number One ’ s language is perfectly parliamentary.
RETURN OF THE IMPIMPI
The concept of impimpi (traitor) died in 1994. But Vera witnessed it resurface on the opposition benches.
Former (chief) Mangosuthu Buthelezi became an impimpi of Speaker Baleka Mbete, revealing to the House how EFF ’ s commander-in-chief Julius Malema had been quietly instructing his fellow red-overallers to defy the Speaker ’ s rulings.
Maybe the EFF should consider communicating through cellphone text messages whenever Buthelezi forgets his signal jammer at home.
Anyway, Vera doubts whether Umntwana wakwaPhindangene would agree to pass on a “poppycock ” note from one EFF member to another.
WARM AND FUZZY
Still on parliamentary issues, Vera was amazed to see Kenneth Meshoe, the Robert Mugabe of the African Christian Democratic Party, smiling endlessly as the EFF demanded answers from Number One.
He didn ’ t say a word. Could it be that Number One ’ s inexplicably giggling ways are contagious? Clearly, Meshoe, whose perm stands out, has nothing to offer except to remind Herman Mashaba of the label he once owned called Black Like Me.
EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT
Before the eventful parliamentary session, Vera attended the opening of the North West provincial legislature.
Premier Supra Muhumapelo shocked communities (clients) who are used to getting food from his government (patron).
“We have lost a lot of money in providing food during provincial events so from now on there will be no food at those events. Residents must bring their own food for the day.”
Vera thinks this idea would work if Mahumapelo would also bring homemade sandwiches to events.
He could provide leadership for his Northern Cape counterpart Sylvia Lucas known for consuming tons of KFC using government funds.
It ’ s their turn not to eat.
Vera s questions of the week
’ Number One wants children born of teenagers to be locked up on Robben Island until they are qualified to come back to look after their kids.
Two questions arise: What must be done to children born of polygamous relationships who don ’ t enjoy a cuddle from their fathers because they make up a long queue? And, would Number One be allowed to visit Robben Island?