This year is going to be fast and furious, sana
NAMBA WAN SHOW
IF IT were a living being, this 2017 would be declared to have hit the ground running – Vera is already struggling to keep pace as news, and what passes for news, scandal et al has been the order of the day.
It was always bound to be an eventful week, with the ANC holding that shindig at Orlando Stadium where Namba Wan saw fit to reward those seen to be firmly in his camp of the divided Khongolose.
JUJU’S BEEF
At least they filled Orlando Stadium to the brim, much to the chagrin of Juju, who declared that, like him, the ANC was a shrinking violet – reduced to bragging about filling a small stadium like Orlando. Vera thinks it’s jealousy.
SKIRTING THE NUMBERS
She’s also pleased to note that the crowd around Namba Wan was careful not to bring him into contact with any numbers he needs to read out loud.
Good thing, seeing that these have been two weeks of numbers – starting from the release of the matric results and the yearly tally we keep of the road deaths we South Africans inflict on fellow road users during the supposed festive season – a carnage that Vera has yet to wrap her mind around. With schools reopening, Namba Wan inexplicably went back to the hole from which he was smoked out before reading the January 8 statement.
It may be that this time reminds him of his own short stint in the classroom.
It explains why it was left to Buffalo to go and encourage the school whose matrics scored a 100% pass to do even better. Usekela Mongameli urged the pupils to choose their friends wisely and to make friends with books. “Read, read, read,” he said. Vera shudders to think what the message would have been had his boss been dispatched there. At least the government got it right this time by sending the right man to deliver the message, Unlike Khongolose sending Namba Wan to preach against corruption. It was Namba Wan’s last January 8 speech. What a relief, Vera thought to herself. She was about to throw herself a party, all by herself, to celebrate when she remembered the man still has three state of the nation addresses to go.
STRAATMEID LET LOOSE
After all the school drama, it was turning out to be another routine week with folks across the country slowly returning to the humdrum of life post the holidays until the blast of the week came.
Ever wondered why Badakiwe seemed to be such a momentous public relations disaster?
Wonder no more. It all came to the fore when the madam’s spokeswoman had about just enough of people calling her boss a drunk. She declared there would be no booze in South Africa if Smallernyana Skeletons got drunk on power and had her way.
The minister loathes it, the spokeswoman declared. Hard to believe, but who is Vera to dispute that?
The spokeswoman has now been re-Christened uBabes we Tshatshalazi for the feisty streetfighter that she is. She and Smallernyana Skeletons, birds of a feather, Vera thinks. Very mean these social media streets. But Vera has a word for uBabes we Tshatshalazi,