SPRINGING LEAKS AND WADING IN VERBAL WASTE
LEAKY WEEK
THE DIY instinct in her nearly got the better of Vera and neighbours would have been treated to the spectacle of a petite beaut on the roof of the house, working her manicures off.
Whoa, hold your horses! Before you may think of consigning Vera to the looney bin blame it all on the week of leaks, which is what the past seven days were all about.
It was leaks, leaks and more leaks everywhere you turned for news.
There was the leak from the office of the new Thuli who does really want to be Thuli. Madam public protector was in a froth, beating a path to the cop shop near her to lay charges after details of a probe into an apartheid Absa owes us all leaked.
The new sheriff in town let SA in on the fact that she is not a great fan of leaks when she took over from Thuli. But she would do well not to lose too much sleep over those, otherwise she might as well pitch tent in a cop shop where she’d need to be every second day if she worried about leaks. Vera noted that the news gave the Goatee at Luthuli House an excuse to score some brownie points with Namba Wan over what he termed the rush to release the report on Saxonwold shenanigans when there was a scandal involving the apartheid government that Thuli “ignored”.
Vera doesn’t know what to make of Uncle Gweezy’s rumblings, she seldom does. Give me a Lumka Oliphant rant any day. At least everything comes out very clear there.
SORRY, NKANDLA STYLE
Speaking of on Babes weRants, what was that with the non-apology on the wireless the other day? Pulling a Msholozi on us, ma’am?
A LOSING BATTLE
Word has it that the reason Namba Wan gave Davos a berth wider than Oros’s girth was that a certain chap given to telling people
at the drop of a hat was also on the fly-machine to Switzerland.
Vera knows Namba Wan likes flying anywhere at the slightest excuse, turning the presidential jet into a flying skorokoro in the process.
But this time he sent Buffalo and that other chap who reminds Vera of a fattened piglet ready for slaughter, Pravin. No wonder some wolf was trying its best to make a meal of him sending his dogs to hound him at every turn.
ENSNARING THE BUFFALO
Vera hopes Buffalo is alert enough to the ploy of taking his eye off the ball as the race for the new Number 1 heats up.
He’s cynically sent to cold Europe, hoping for a brain freeze while Namba Wan works the Khongolose grassroots. Wily old fox, this Namba Wan of ours
MORE DIPS AND LESSONS
Notice how he hardly ever ventures past the chicken run these days?
Always one to look on the brighter side, Vera is pleased our man is now putting the firepool to regular use.
MOVE OVER, JUJU
Speaking of imaginary wars fought by peace time revolutionaries, Vera chanced upon an urchin on Hlaudi TV declaring his intention to fight anything in sight, from parliament to what he termed “an illiterate president”. Ma’am Angie’s spokesman Elijah Mhlanga had to wade through verbal waste of Lumkaesque proportions as our wannabe Che Guevara – beret and all – let rip. Vera just had to flip channels, for her own sanity and safety – what with the fellow sounding like he would declare war even on the people watching the programme.